Once Twice Three Times
by Ritaann
Summary: A Carter Deb romance.. When two people fated to find each other, they sure as eh hum take a long time to get round to it...
1. Once Twice Three Times part 1

**Once Twice Three Times **   
  
Title: Once Twice Three Times.  
Author: Ritaann  
Rating: PG 13  
Main Characters: Carter/Deb.  
Summary: Carter and Deb find each other in sorts admist a story of lies, betrayal and love...  
Yes, Peoples, this is the REVAMPED VERSION. part one sounded ok to me and as I have seemed to only have that one posted, I suppose it's not that important. Unless you want to read the shitty one...  
Spoilers: Your safe if you've seen episodes past 'The Greatest of Gifts', you should be fine. The Carter Family Function with Abby NEVER HAPPENED. This is an important peice of information as I don't think the Carter's would have two parties so close together.   
Archive: Duh! Anywhere, everywhere- It would be nice to know where my fanfic's are going though.  
Disclaimer. Everything's mine- Not. I have no idea what Deb's mother's name is or her fathers or anyone else. I wrote this before season seven came to Australia so if their names are wrong, please forgive me. Any 'lines' or 'sayings' are just borrowed from various peoples, books or a poster somewhere.  
Keywords: Carter, Deb, and, uhuh.  
Key words (not important): E, e.   
Just a warning: Yes, there are swear words. Not big bad ones as I don't know any. Just the usual 'f' word and if you call the not good word for 'poo' a swear word...... SEE YA LATTER PAL! no, just kidding. Give it a try, it ain't so bad!!!  
  
  
  
Part 1.  
  
"John uh, can I ask you a favour?" aww man, I hate asking him for something. But it's my only chance at getting a date for my parents dinner.   
"Sure, ask away!" he said, turning round to face Deb.   
"Can you come to my parent's dinner party their hosting for my grandfather?" asked Deb in a rush, scared that she would worm her way out of it at the last minuet.  
'Is she asking me out?' said Carter to himself "Are you asking me out?" he asked verbally.  
"Well, sought of.."  
"Sought of?"   
"Well, my parent's are holding a dinner party for my grandfather and my three brothers all have wives, but I have to have a date according to my mother." Explained Deb.   
"Will there be chopsticks?" he asked jokingly. However, Deb didn't notice.  
"John, I..."  
"Will there be Chile?" Deb suddenly realized that John was joking and began to giggle.  
"John is it a yes or a no?" asked Deb as looked pleadingly into John's eyes. God they were gorgeous.  
"What did you just say?" Did she just say - 'God they were gorgeous' ? What was gorgeous?  
"Nothing, nothing so, are you coming?" Oh. My. God. Did he notice that my cheeks were burning?  
"Yep, so. What time do I pick you up?" wonder what she'll wear tonight she'll look beautiful in just about... Did I just think that?   
"6:00 is good."  
"Ok, 6:00 it is. I'd better go, before Weaver has an MI. See ya round."  
"Yeah. See ya!" she said, giving Carter a little wave before turning back to the coffie machine.  
"YES!" she hissed, pumping her right fist into the air before grabbing her cup and walking out the other exit as if nothing had happened.  
  
  
  
"What did ya do?" asked Dave as he rubbed a patients name off the board.  
"Do what?" answered John, not knowing what the hell Dave was talking about  
"You know, to the hot Asian chick of the ER."  
"She has a name, Dave and it's Jing-mei"  
"So why don't you call her Jing-mei?"  
"Cause. Now, what do you want to know?" John didn't want to tell Dave that he though that not only was 'Deb' easier than 'Jing-mei , but it was also kinda cute and suited her personality perfectly.  
"So, what did you do to *Jing-mei*?"  
"Well, if you mean saying 'yes' to her invitation to her parent's dinner party..."  
"She asked you out?" asked Dave, a little too loud.  
"Any louder?" hissed back Carter, looking round at all the faces who were curiously looking at the pair.  
"Yes. But were're going as friends, if that means anything to you." said Carter, before grabbing a vacant chart and leaving for exam 4.  
"She could have asked me!" yelled Dave to Carter's back. But before Carter entered the exam room, he turned round and yelled back.  
"She wouldn't be so stupid."  
"What's that supposed to mean?" said Dave, turning to Randi who was typing into the computer, chewing away at her gum, snapping at it once in a while.  
"Figure it out for your own self" she said before grabbing the ringing phone and yelling,   
"No, this is *not* the Yen sook restaurant. No, we do not offer specials on the sesame balls. And if you want plastic chopsticks and more sauce, you've come to the wrong place!" and with that, she slammed the phone down and muttered under her breath,  
"Bastard. One more ring and I'll get Dr Chen to yell at him in Chinese. See if that will break his balls..."  
With that, Dave smile and decided to that a talk to 'Chen' and see if he could get a bit of 'juicy' information.  
  
  
  
"Hello Dr Chen!" said Dave as he walked into the drug lock-up.  
"What do you want Dave?" she asked, annoyed that he would always come for 'something' when she was busy.  
"Nothing... just what did ya do to Carter?"  
"What *did* I do to him?" 'maybe he isn't such a bastard after all' Deb thought to herself before turning around.  
"Well, if you mean that cheesy grin on his face and the whistle.."  
"He's whistling?" 'Carter only ever whistled when he was very happy....'  
"Um hum"  
"So what do I have to do with it?" she asked, hoping that the 'date' had something to do with it.  
"Nothing - can you speak Chinese?"  
"Dave, what do I have to do with Carter's whistle?" she ordered Dave, hands on her hips.  
"Do you speak Chinese?"  
"Yes, I do. Now what about John?"  
"You *do*!" said Dave, eye's wide and naughty grin on his face. But Deb's eye's were almost slicing his head in half.  
"Oh, um, yeah - he's really happy that you asked him out. As, as friends of course."  
"Sure, Dave." said Deb, turning back to her work, a secret smile on her lips.  
"Yeah - it's true!"  
"Ah huh. Now you better get out of here before I start yelling at you."  
"In Chinese?" asked Dave,   
"YES Dave - now GO!"  
"Ok, ok, ok, I'm going!" 'better get going before she starts' he thought as he backed out of the room.  
"MALLUCCI - watch where your going!" came a familiar voice over a large crash.  
"Yeah, uh, sorry chief - I'll fix it!"  
'Something's never change.' thought Deb as she went back to the inventory.   
  
  
  
Carter knocked on the door, hoping that he wasn't too early.  
"Coming!" and half a minuet later Deb appeared, almost ready.  
"Hi!"  
"Oh! your early, um just give me a sec ok?"  
"Sure." said Carer as he looked around at the nicely furnished apartment while Deb finished getting ready.   
  
  
  
"Damn!" whispered Deb into her speaker phone.  
"What?" came Abby's voice from the phone.  
"He's HERE!"  
"Who's here? Carter?" asked Abby trying desperately to understand.  
"Yes! He's in my lounge room."  
"So."  
"SO?" whispered back Deb as she put on her lipstick and added a little blush. "He's twenty minuets early!"  
"That mean's he likes you." said Abby, not surprised at all.  
"Like's me? Were friends - do you I need to spell that out to you?"   
  
  
  
John looked around Deb's apartment. The walls were a nice creamy colour and the ceiling was white.   
It wasn't too big, but not small either. There was a huge book shelf filled with books and a comfy sofa which seemed to be the focus of the room.  
There was no TV, but it seemed like it wasn't necessary. He heard muffled whispers coming from the closed door that Deb had disappeared behind and wondered what was going on in there.  
Finally deciding to read one of the many medical journals that Deb had on her coffie table, Carter sat down on the sofa and tried to concentrate on a very interesting article on 'Organ transplants' by a Dr Elizabeth Corday - 'Wait, was that who I thought it was?'  
Suddenly, before Carter could contemplate on whether that was Dr Corday or not, Deb appeared. 'Wow! she looks wonderful'  
"Hey, you ready?" she asked as she reached for her handbag, smoothing out the black dress that she wore. 'And I thought he looked good in *scrubs*?"  
"Yep. You look great - you sure there won't be chopsticks?" asked Carter getting another laugh out of her.   
'I *love* it when she laughs, her whole face shines' thought Carter as they left the apartment.  
"Thanks and *yes* John, I'm sure."  
  
  
  
"This it?" asked Carter as they rounded the large mansion. It wasn't as well known as the Carter Family Mansion but it was just as big.  
"Yep, this is it."  
Carter began to look nervous as he saw a group of Chinese men by the front door. All in suits and accompanied by a group of women.  
"You have nothing to worry about. Those are my brothers and their wives."  
"Will everyone be Asian?"   
"No, my father has plenty of American associates invited so you won't be the odd one out. Just be yourself."  
Carter mentally counted the men that were in a group. There were three.  
"I thought you had 4 brothers."  
"Well, I do. But my favorite and most reliable brother isn't well." Deb said sadly.  
"Oh."  
"He has Cancer. Curable - but a long recovery."  
"Oh, and I better tell you -if you see anything red on your plate - don't eat it" said Deb. trying to change the subject.  
"Why, Chille?" asked Carter, shooting a look at Deb as they entered the parking garage.  
"Um, yeah." immediately after Deb mentioned 'something red' Carter began to look nervous.  
"John, have you had some bad experiences with Chile?"  
"You could say that."  
"John, you have nothing to worry about - trust me." said Deb, trying to convince Carter but failing miserably because she couldn't stop laughing.  
  
  
  
"Well, here we go." sighed Deb as they came up to the large doors of the mansion.   
They passed the group of her brothers silently. As soon as they saw Deb and John walking up to the house, they stooped talking and stared. Deb nudged Carter softly in the ribs,   
"Don't say anything" she whispered.  
"Ok."  
Passing the group, Carter could feel their eye's boring a hole through the back of his head and realized why Deb didn't want to socialize.   
They didn't approve.  
"That went well." said John as they entered the large foyer.   
"Oh yeah, very."   
The room was paved with a pale pink marble, large pot plants adorned the border and an english butler dressed in a black suite greeted them.  
"Hello, Miss Chen. Nice of you to come. Who is your date?" he asked, taking their coats.  
"Oh, this is John Carter. He's a doctor from County"  
"Pleasure to meet you sir."  
"Likewise" said John as the two shook hands.  
"Your parents are waiting for you in the ballroom."  
"Thankyou, Jade." thanked Deb as she lead Carter down a hallway into a large room , also marble with large green plants surrounding the room.   
The guests were mostly Asian, however a few Americans dotted the room.   
"Come on," said Deb leading him to a group of people in the middle of the room.   
John felt strangely out of place as the whole group were speaking some sought of Chinese language. Lord knows which one.  
"Ma. I'd like you to meet my friend John Carter, he works at County General."  
"Oh, hello. Jing-mei is always talking about you." at hearing that , Deb began to turn a deep shade of crimson.   
Carter never saw Deb get *this* red before and was amused.  
"Nice to meet Mrs Chen." said Carter shaking her hand.  
Suddenly, everyone in the room was silent and a large motor out side the house could be heard.   
A man that Carter thought to be Deb's father walked out of the crowd and towards the double doors, just in time to greet the elderly man that had entered.  
"Papa. Welcome to our home! "he said before going into a whole lot of Chinese.   
Deb's Grandfather was short. He had a long white beard and wore a black suite with white stripes.  
her brothers had now entered the room and Mr Chen led his father over to them.  
"Pa, this is our three sons, Lui, lei and Shai." He said introducing his son's proudly.   
Then, Deb's Grandfather finally spoke.  
"Where is Jing -mei?"  
At hearing that, Deb's father lead him to where Deb and John were standing.  
"And this is our daughter, Jing-mei"  
Her Grandfather spoke rapid Chinese and to Carter's surprise, she answered just as well.  
"Yes, Grandfather. This is John Carter, He is a doctor."  
Grandfather just nodded so John nodded back before Deb.'s father took him to meet some of his other associates.  
"That was good." whispered Deb.  
"He likes you"  
"How do you know?" asked Carter, astounded that she knew something in just meeting the guy.  
"He didn't ask my father's questions. He approves."  
"Oh. I get it... I guess."  
"John!"  
"Sorry."  



	2. Once Twice Three Times part 2

Part 2  
  
The large group of people slowly began to move towards what seemed to be the dinning room.  
The floors and walls were still marble and a long wooden table was at the center of the room. Silverware and crystal glasses lined the table and the plates had a distinctly Chinese pattern on it. Everything was either silver, white or blue.  
Deb led Carter to a chair somewhere in the middle of the table and motioned for him to sit down.  
Carer noted that her Grandfather was seated at the head of the table. Deb's Father was on his right side and her Mother on his left.   
The other end of the table was empty, fully set with silverware, cutlery and place cards.  
John wondered who was supposed to sit there, but didn't ask as the whole room was silent. You could hear a pin drop as Deb's Grandfather looked around the room. His eyes seemed to be seaching. For what, Carter had no idea. 'At least the guy wasn't in a coma' thought Carter to himself as only his eyes were moving back and forth. He tried to imagine what Dave would do in a situation like this as he has so desperately wanted to come.  
Deb side-glanced at Carter as her Ganfather's death-like stare had almost reached him and caught him grinning slightly. Looking straight ahead she very gently nudged him. When that didn't work, she decided to take a risk and dug her nails hard into his thigh, still looking straight ahead.  
Carter felt something sharp dig into his leg and immediately turned his head to see Deb silently point to her Grandfather. John took the hint and stooped his day-dream just in time to feel her Grandfathers eyes on him.  
After that moment has pasted and her Grandfather had gone through the whole room, he clapped his hands three times and a line of waiters, strangely all English appeared. Each carried a plate covered with a silver dome. A further two claps and they laid down the plate, still covered with the dome and removed the plate that was already there. With another and final clap, the waiters who reminded Carter of the rabbit in Alice in Wonderland who was always 'late' removed the dome to reveal a bowl, also blue that had some sought of soup that John had never seen before, that had what seemed to be tiny prawns floating on the top.   
Deb's Grandfather began to talk to her father and that seemed to give the ticket for everyone to start talking too.   
The man on Carter's left started a boring conversation of stocks and shareholders. John being used to this kind of talk from his Grandparents dinner parties was able to banter around with the subject. Deb on the other hand chose to stay silent and listened in on the conversation, surprised that John knew so much about the subjects chosen.  
"Jing-mei, you haven't really introduced your date to us." said who Carter remembered to be as her oldest and 'least favorite' brother as Deb had put it.  
"Lei, this is John Carter, he works at County."  
"John, this in my eldest brother, Lei."  
"Nice to meet you." greeted Carter politely.  
"Like wise. So, are you the guy who screwed her?" he asked casually.  
"Uh..."  
"Lei!"  
At this moment, the whole room went back to being a deathly-silent. All eyes were focused on John, Deb and Lei. Deb's eyes were looking down at the beached-white table cloth.  
"Jing-mei." said her Grand father.  
He paused for a second before continuing on in Chinese. Fast, rapid and in no way Carter would understand.   
Deb suddenly looked up, eyes glistening with tears, ready to fall.  
Her Grandfather had finished his bantering and before her tears spilled onto her cheeks, she walked out of the room in a halfwalk-half run.  
"Was it something I said?" asked Lei looking round the table stupidly as if he didn't say hat he had just said,  
Carter stood up and followed her before the room of guests continued their talk of stocks, shares and other 'boring' things as if nothing had happened.  
  
  
  
"Deb?" whispered Carter softly as he entered a small court yard.  
He couldn't hear anything.   
Suddenly, a soft sob could be heard from what seemed to be the darkest part of the garden.  
"Deb?" he whispered, walking towards what seemed to be a tree.  
"John what are you doing here?" asked Deb quickly rubbing her eyes with a soggy tissue.  
"Came to find you. Are you Ok?"  
"Yeah, fine." she answered a bit too quickly.  
Carter gave her a 'look'.  
"Well... My brother brought up my least favorite subject."  
"And will your Grandfather be mad or something?"  
"No." Answered Deb, calmly.  
"No?"  
"Well, he's more likely to stick his head in the sand."  
"Oh! Like an ostrich."  
"Yes John, like an ostrich." said Deb, half sniffling, half laughing.  
"Here, I think you need this." said Carter, offering his hanky.  
"John, you are the only guy that I have ever met that carries round a hanky. Thankyou." she said, taking the white cloth and blowing her nose on it. A loud honking noise sounded out.  
The pair laughed.   
"Come on, you will have to face them sooner or later."  
"I prefer the latter."  
"But which is better?"  
"Yeah, I guess. How do I look?" asked Deb, smoothing out her hair.  
If Carter was to tell the truth, it would be horrible. Her eyes were bloodshot and there were dried tears on her cheeks.  
"Beautiful."  
"John..."  
"Ok, ok, not too bad - You can always 'fix up' in the bathroom. I'll wait.."  
"Thanks." said Deb as the two left the court yard  
  
  
  
By the time Carter and Deb re-joined the party of guests, the group was surrounding her Grandfather. The two slipped into the back and stayed there as he handed out gifts. Carter wondered who would get the large wooden box that sat beside the aging man.   
It was made out of a deep-red wood and had beautiful flowers carved into it's sides. It seemed like it was an instrument, but Carter couldn't tell what exactly it was.  
"Lei-Hong Chen." Called out Deb's Grandfather. Lei stepped out of the front of the group to receive a red envelope and a key.  
"To many years of happiness, my oldest."  
"Sie, sie."  
Then Lei took his gifts and went back to his wife who was grinning with anticipation. It was then Carter realized that the red envelope was full of money.  
"Jing-mei Chen."  
Deb stepped out of the back and walked in front of her Grandfather.  
Her head was low and she didn't look into up. He lifted her chin to look into his eyes.  
"To my youngest and only granddaughter, I hope you haven't lost your touch."  
and with that, he gave her a red-envelope and opened the mysterious box.   
Carter recognized the instrument immediately. It was a huge rectangular-like prism with guitar-like strings stretched across. He had seen one being played at one of those Chinese new year festivals that his Grandmother had covinced him to go to.  
"Sei, sei." Deb said, and turned away to walk back to her place.  
Her mother walked out and gently pushed Deb towards the box, softly encouraging her to play.  
Deb's Uncles and Aunts also seemed to want her to play and Carter found himself calling out.  
"Come on Jing-mei, please?"  
Deb heard Carter's voice in the crowd and shot him a killer look.  
She sat on the small stool beside the instrument and the room quieted down.  
Slowly, She began to gently pluck the strings at different intervals. A beautiful sound filled the room and moments later a voice followed.  
Deb was singing.  
  
  
  
"You'll have to take the stairs, the elevators are being repaired. Fourth floor, third door on the right." directed Deb as the movers began the treck to her apartment.  
"You didn't tell me you can sing - let alone play!" said Carter as they began to follow the movers up he stairs.  
"There are a lot of things that I haven't told you. Besides, it was nothing."  
"Nothing? You've got be kidding. I can't whistle for peanuts let alone sing!"  
"I don't want to hear you sing, John."  
"Why not?"  
"Because you just told me that you couldn't. Just put in near the window." said Deb, directing the movers as to where to place the instrument.  
"Do you want me to pick you up tomorrow before work instead of taking the EL?"  
"Sure, thanks. Sei, sei."   
"Does that mean thankyou?" asked Carter as the movers left.   
"Yes, it does."  
"So, uh..." whispered Deb.   
"Ahh...." for once Deb. was at a loss for words. 'Just Kiss him'  
She leaned forward, wanting to give him a pack on the cheek, but suddenly ended up kissing him on the lips.  
'What am I doing?' Carter's mind screamed at him.  
'You're doin' the right thing, Buddy!' yelled back his Heart.  
Before she knew it, the kiss had ended.  
It seemed to have gone for a long time but for Deb, it didn't seem like long enough.  
"Good night john." whispered Deb, retreating back into her apartment.  
"See you tomorrow at 7:00"  
"Yeah, see you..."  
"Bye." said John.   
Deb closed the door.   
"Bye." she closed her eyes and imagined what had just happened over and over again for a few minuets.   
Suddenly, her eye's popped open.  
'What will I say to him tomorrow?'  
Deb jumped up from her crouched position on the floor next to the door and bumped her head on the door handle.  
"Oww! Stupid piece of metal." said Deb to the handle before running to her phone and using the speed dial to ring up Abby.  
"Abby, Abby, you'll never guess what happened!" said Deb excitedly into the phone.  
  
  
  
Carter tiredly walked up the stairs to his apartment. He had finally got himself a place of his own and after spending a year at Gamma's, it was like owning your own castle.  
He stooped at the base of the second last flight of steps before his floor. 'What the fuck...' Thought Carter as he began to climb the flight.   
A soft and tuneless tune floated up the steps and as Carter rounded the last few steps, the human being making the racket was sitting on the floor, two large duffel bags filled to the brim and a harmonica in his hands.  
"Dave..."  
"Carter my man! Thought you'd never come."  
"What are you doing here?"  
"Got evicted. May I ?"  
"Uh uh, no no no, no way hozay."  
"Come on, man, where am I supposed to go? If I hide out at the hospital the ER's Bitch will kill me!" pleaded Dave following Carter to his apartment.  
"Yeah, well, you can sue me. Get in."  
"So you, you mean I can stay?"  
"Yes, Dave, you can stay." said Carter opening his door and letting Dave in.  
"You would really do that for me?" asked Dave, a few tears dropping from the corner of his eye.   
"Man you are the best Buddy a man's ever had!" said Dave, wiping away the tear as he hugged Carter.  
"Yeah, yeah whatever. You owe me big time sonny."  
"Cool apartment Carter - where's my room?" asked Dave, obviously not listening.  
Carter rolled his eyes as he locked his apartment door.  
'Why in the hell did I him stay?' sighed Carter as he walked to the room where Dave had decided to call 'His'.  
"By the way, Carter.."  
"What is it now Dave."  
"How did ya date go?"  
"Dave."  
"What?"  
"Not now, Dave. Tomorrow."  
"But it is tomorrow. It's 1:30 already!"  
"Dave!"  
"Ok, ok, I'll shut up."  
"Carter..."  
"Dave - will you can it?"  
"Carter, I'm hungry..."  
  
  
  
  



	3. Once Twice Three Times part 3

Part 3.  
  
"Carter, my man, what the hell are you doing at three-thirty in the morning?" asked Dave as he entered the kitchen to find Carter sitting at the table, a cup of strong coffie on the table and his head in his hands.   
"It's three-thirty?"  
"Yup- wah, man you look like shit!"  
"Thanks Dave you really know how to make a man feel good." said Carter standing up and stretching as Dave got himself a cup.  
"Dave's counseling, at you service." said Dave, sitting down at the table, trying to look as serious as he could at three-thirtyfive in the morning.  
"Huh?"  
"Like I just said man, you look like something the cow dragged in."  
"So?"  
"So that means there's something on your mind. Is it Work?"  
"No."  
"Is it Abby?"  
"No, Dave, will you quit with the twenty questions?"  
"Not until I get some beef man, all your giving me is scrambled eggs."   
"Is it, you know..." asked Dave a naughty smile on his face.  
"Who?"  
"Well, YOU know!"  
"Know WHAT, Dave?" asked Carter, getting annoyed.  
"Is. It. Jing-mei??" said Dave as slowly as if Carter was only five or six years old.  
"Why would you think that?" asked Carter, wondering where Dave was going with that question.  
If he was to tell the truth, It would be a yes. However, Carter didn't want to let out that bit of information  
"Because you came home from a date looking positively confused, you actually LET me into your apartment and here you are awake four hours before your shift."  
"So?"  
"So?!? Carter. Look. Will you just fucking tell me!" said Dave a loudly as he could without waking the neighbors.  
"Dave, I don't know what to tell you." lied Carter, looking at the tiled kitchen floor. Funny. He never noticed the tiny coffie stain in the little corner by the stove.  
"Man, if you don't wanna tell me, fine. But I'll suss it out of Abby either way."  
"What makes you think she'll tell you anything?" asked Carter looking up.  
"Worth trying. Cool radio man.." said Dave as he had found a portable radio on the counter.   
Turning on the radio station, a Valentines Day message read out:  
"Remember folks, Valentines is on the way - if you want to get your loved one something special now's the time. Just call...." Carter reached over and turned it off.  
"Shit man. Again, alone."  
"Know what you mean." said John getting even more depressed.  
"That's why you have to tell her."  
"Huh?"  
"Tell her you love her." said Dave logically.  
"Tell whom?" asked Carter, utterly confused as to where Dave was getting at.   
He hadn't told Dave about the kiss... did he? 'Man, I wish I was paying more attention as to what I was saying.'  
"Deb, Jing-mei, Chen, chicky babe- what ever you want to call her Carter."  
"How, how would you- you know?!?" exclaimed John. 'I did tell him! Now I am really a dick head. Shit!'  
"Know? Know what Carter - ahhh see! I was right all along, you do have something fishy going on with Chen, and now your gonna explain...." said Dave, glad that his little trick of reverse physiology had worked.  
  
  
  
"Wow."  
"Yeah. Now I really don't know what to do." said Carter starting blankly into his fourth cup of coffie.  
"You have to talk to her, man. You know, ask her out."   
"Who said I had to ask her out?"  
"It's what's called tradition Carter." said Dave, a look on his face which said, 'Where have you been?'  
"Huh? the last time I had a date, there was..." said Carter, confused. Since when were there rules?  
"Carter my man, when was the last time you had a date?"  
"Well, ah... "  
"See? You'll just have to listen and use my wisdom on women wisely..."  
  
  
  
"Carter, where are we going?" asked Dave from the backseat of John's jeep on their way to County.  
"I'm picking up Deb."  
"Now your talking man! Do you want me to cover for you?" said Dave excitedly.  
"What are you talking about Dave?"  
"Well, your going to her apartment with that lousy excuse and so, your gonna need someone to cover up for you while you, you know!" At hearing this, Carter shook his head in disbelief and turned into the parking space ment for 'visitors'.  
"Is that all you think about Dave?"  
"Well...."  
"That said it all Dave. Now are you gonna get her or will I?" asked Carter turning round to face Dave.  
"Why? all you have to do is this....." and with that, Dave leaned over and punched the button on Carter's steering wheel labeled 'horn'.  
"BEEP!! BEEP!!"  
One of the windows on the fourth floor, pushed open, and Deb's face appeared.   
"Be down in a sec!" she yelled down before closing the window.  
"See how easy that was?"  
  
  
  
"Ok, I know what I have to do, just what Abby said." Deb advised herself as she paced the room like a caged bull while putting on her earrings.  
"Act normal. It wasn't like we did it..."   
Suddenly, another loud horn blasted the beginnings of 'Happy Birthday'.  
"Coming, coming!" whispered Deb as she grabbed her bag and ran out the door.  
  
  
  
"Hey, sorry I took so long." Deb said as she approached the car and opening the front passenger door.  
"Don't worry, you weren't late. Dave just thought that your neighbors needed a wake up call."  
At hearing that, Deb turned to the back east and saw Dave sitting quietly in a window seat.  
"What's he doing here?"  
"Don't ask. "  
"Ok."  
The car was filled with silence as John drove to County.  
'Now what do I say?' thought Carter to himself. 'Dave is an asshole. He told me to act normal. How do I do that?'  
"So, ah, do you want to do something together sometime this week?" asked Carter finally thinking of something to say.  
"Yeah, what do you want to do?"   
"I don't know yet. We'll figure out something."   
"Can I come?" asked Dave suddenly poking his head between the drivers and passenger seats.  
"No!" yelled Carter and Deb in usion as Carter pulled into the parking lot of County General.   
"Ok, ok, I'm sorry." appologised Dave to himself as he suddenly realised that he was all alone in the car.  
  
  
  
  



	4. Once Twice Three Times part 4

I need to know what you peoples think of the Storyline I have finally chosen. Let me know what you think at er_aussie@hotmail.com.  
  
Just a gap-filler sought of explanation fic. A bridge for part 5.  
  
Is the spelling ok?  
  
Part 4  
  
The table was rectangle. Again, half of it was set with more than enough silver ware but nobody to use it. Deb was once more seated somewhere in the middle, her brothers opposite and her grandfather at the head. The room was strangely silent, only the clinking of the occasional glassware. Suddenly, her father spoke up, directing his words to Deb who was moving her spoon around her soup with no actual motive. She was still dressed in her work clothes- a blue top and black slacks.   
"I saw Louie today." he said. Deb, realizing that he was talking to her, put down her spoon and placed her hands in her lap.  
"That's nice."  
"He's looking well."   
Once again the room lapsed into silence. Deb waited patiently for him to continue. Her brothers were strangely keeping their heads down, their faces practically into the soup. 'I wonder what they know....'  
"His father and I had a chat, and we made an agreement." his wife who was sitting beside him looked up, surprised that she had no knowledge of this 'deal'.  
"We have agreed to join our families together- with matrimony."  
Deb went pale.  
"There will be a dinner next Saturday, that's if you consent, Jing-mei."  
"What did Louie say?" asked Deb tonelessly, not looking her father in the face but rather at the pot plant behind him. 'Please say that he said no.....'  
"He was delighted and agreed." said her father, a smile on his face. "It's up to you, Jing-mei. I know this is hard, but you must agree- if just to save the family name." he said, his face suddenly going hard and cold.  
Deb was now as white as a sheet. She kept her head down and pressed her eyes together. Whispering softly the words that she knew she could never take back, Deb looked up. Her eye's were red and she was shaking.   
"Yes."   
Mr Chen and his wife leaned forewords, trying to catch their daughters words.  
"Yes." she repeated, her voice loud and clear before looking back down at her hands which were clammy and seemed as though they didn't belong to her. 'I can't believe I'm doing this.'  
"Well, that's settled then." her Father said cheerfully, going back to his dinner.  
Deb suddenly looked up. Her face was white and wet with salty tears, eyes so red that not a spot of white could be seen, Deb pushed her chair back from the table.   
"I gotta go to work." she managed to say before walking as fast as she could out of the room, her footsteps echoing loudly on the high ceilings.  
The room was stunned. They had never seen her cry before. Deb's mother got up and followed her daughter out of the room.  
"That certainly went well." stated Lei cheerfully, going back to dinner.  
"Shut up." said his Father, clearly disturbed. Lei put his head down once more as the room relapsed into speechlessness.   
"Jing- mei? Jing-mei ........" called her mother as she ran down the hall trying to stop Deb from leaving.   
"What is it mummy?" she asked, finally turning round, her coat half way around her shoulders.   
"Jing-mei, I'm sorry. I know you'll hate it. Can't you just be happy- for us?"  
"How can I be happy? Louie is great- ma, as a friend." said Deb, turning to leave. Her mother grabbed at her coat to hold her back.  
"Is there someone else?" she asked gently.  
"Well there won't be now, will there." said Deb before opening the door and running out into the night, the snow chilling her even more as it fell from the sky. Her mother watched from the window, shaking her head worriedly.   
*** 3 hours earlier in the ER ***  
  
"Yo Chen!" yelled Dave trying to catch up to where Deb was walking down the hall.  
"What is it Dave?" she asked turning around.  
"I was wondering if you want to go out tonight." said Dave putting on his irrisistable smile. Deb immediately took off her friendly demeanor and began to walk away.   
"No, Dave how many times do I have to tell you?"   
"Carter's coming-"  
"John? How did you get him to come with you?" asked Deb amassed.   
"Said you were coming...."   
"Fine I'll come, just for Carter and don't you go around saying that it was your charm that won me over because it wasn't." agreed Deb, finally turning around to face him before walking away.  
"Be there at eight- meet us outside the ER!" yelled back Dave, Deb's hand waving in acknowledgment as she disappeared into an exam room.  
  
  
  
"Hey Abby." said Deb as she walked into the drug lock-up to find the nurse looking for some equipment. "Want to go out tonight?"   
"With who?" joked Abby.  
"Me and-" said Deb, worried that if she let out too much information, Abby would not agree.   
"And who?"  
"Dave and John."   
"Dave? Oh no you must be kidding, why would you go out with a jerk like him?" said Abby, picking up two large bottles and some tubing. "Here hold this." she said, handing a bottle to Deb.  
"Well, he conned John into coming by saying that I was-"  
"Did it work?"  
"Yeah and well, it wouldn't be fair..."  
"To whom?" asked Abby logically as she stopped walking and gave Deb her full attention.  
"To John of course and if you didn't come- poor Dave will be alone."  
"Ha! and I feel so sorry for him." said Abby continuing on her way.  
"I'll be lonely- I'll be the only female there."  
"Carter can keep you company."  
"But- please, Abby. It you hate it I'll never ask you again...." said Deb, getting desperate as they had reached Abby's final destination.   
"Ok, ok but you owe me big Debora Chen." said Abby about to go into the exam room.  
"Thank you, thankyou, you are the best, best friend I've ever had!"  
"Don't mention it." said Abby, already halfway into the room.  
"Eight outside the ER- don't be late!"   
"I'll think about it." said Abby finally walking into the room.  
Deb smiled a triumphant smile to herself as she walked away.   
  
*** Back to time. (tempo) ***  
  
"Dave where's Deb, you said she was coming tonight." said Carter, as he logged out of the computer system.  
"She'll be here. Her shift finished at two."  
"Oh."   
"Your really looking forward to tonight arn't ya?"   
"Well...."  
"It's pouring outta your ears, Carter!" said Dave following him to the Lounge.  
"So where exactly are we going Dave?"  
"Ahh.... somewhere my Uncle owns-"  
"Dave,"  
"No, Carter let me explain. It'll be free and we'll get the best spot in the house."  
"Why did I trust you?" muttered Carter under his breath as he grabbed his coat and walked out of the Lunge.  
"My charm?" said Dave to himself before noticing that he was all alone.  
  
  
  
"Dave will you slow down?" asked Carter as Dave took a sharp turn to the left and almost caused his car to crash into a street lamp.  
"Almost there." said Dave glancing into the rear view mirror.  
"Where did you learn to drive?" asked Abby, holding on the the door handle for dear life as Dave screeched into a parking space infront of a crowded and very noisy club house.  
"I'm not going in there." said Abby, crossing her arms in front of her chest.  
"Won't you at least give it a try? Were're not staying in the main part of the club."  
"So where are we going?" asked Carter curiously.   
"Get out of the car and I'll show you." said Dave flashing another one of his lady-killer smiles before throwing the keys to Carter and climbing out of the drivers side. "Great car Carter, really roars."   
Carter looked at Deb and Abby and shrugged his shoulders before following Dave into the mad house. Abby looked at Deb.   
"Are you ok?"  
"If everyone would just stop asking me that I'd be just fine." she snapped back. "I'm sorry- I just had a tough time at my parents stupid dinner."  
"Who else asked you?"   
"Carter." said Deb turning her head to look outside the window.  
"See, I told you he likes you." said Abby proudly.  
"Yeah, well, it would never work out." said Deb as she got out of the jeep.  
"What do you mean?" asked Abby, following behind her.  
"Look, Abby, I just want to have a good night out and not have to explain anything, ok?" said Deb before opening the door to the club and gesturing for Abby to walk in before her.  
"Ok. But-"   
Deb had already gone inside, leaving Abby at the door to make her way past the bar of crazy drunks and disco dancers into a pair of double doors which Carter, Dave and Deb had just disappeared into.  
  
  
  



	5. Once Twice Three Times part 5

***Song used in this fic is: Angel of the morning by Juice Newton. Thanks to Kitchen_Sink for helping me out with the lyrics.***  
  
  
Part 5  
  
The three were now seated around a tiny wooden table. They were in a large kitchen that laced any trace of food and held only cooking equipment. Huge woks, deep soup basins and gigantic spatulas decorated the otherwise boring room.  
  
"You know Dave, the food's not bad." admitted Abby putting a piece of steak into her mouth.  
  
"It's actually pretty good." agreed Deb. Dave practically glowed with pride.   
  
"Well, I said my Uncle was a cool chef. I eat here whenever I can."  
  
"Then how come your always at my apartment for dinner?" asked Carter, trying to salvage Dave's feelings by not laughing.  
  
"Carter, I said when I can- not always." said Dave exasperatingly  
  
"Ok, ok." agreed Carter as he once more stole a glance at Deb who was seated at the other end of the table. 'She looks great tonight.' He thought to himself as she laughed at a joke that Abby had made.  
  
"So John, what would you do?" asked Deb, laughing away. Carter was brought out of his trance like a python who's master stopped playing it's tune.  
  
"Huh?"   
  
"I swear Carter, you've been out of it all evening. Care to share what's so important?" said Abby, nudging and winking comically at Carter like it was their little secret.  
  
"Nothing to share." said Carter innocently, taking a sip of his coke.  
  
"You know that your a bad liar don't ya?"   
  
"Dave I honestly don't know what your talking about." repeated Carter, as he turned to face Dave. But as his head turned, Carter caught Deb staring at the table cloth suspiciosly. However, he tore his questioning eye's from her and looked up at Dave.  
  
"You know what, Dave? I think I need to go to the bathroom. Think you could show me the way?" suggested Abby, noticing Deb mysteriously avoiding the looks Carter had been shooting at her.   
  
"Can't you show yourself...." whined Dave.  
  
"I don't know where it is!" insisted Abby.  
"Down the hall..."  
  
"And I need you to show me." said Abby who got up and practically dragged Dave out of the room.  
  
  
  
Abby finally let go of him once they were safe in a janitor's closet, inbetween a couple of mops and a stack of buckets. "What the fuck did you do that for?" whispered Dave.  
  
"Don't you see it?" said Abby incredulously.  
  
"See what?"  
  
"Everything- Carter's looks, Deb's blush.."  
  
"Yeah. The man told me himself." said Dave proudly. "How can you convict me of not knowing anything."  
  
"What?"  
  
"You heard what I said! Carter- John, whatever told me that he likes Chen."  
  
"As in..."  
  
"Like like? Yep! You've gotta give me the credit woman." said Dave getting up off the cold tiled floor using the sturdy vacuum cleaner in the corner to help himself up.  
  
"Where are you going?" questioned Abby.  
  
"To see all the action." As soon as Dave said this, Abby grabbed hold of his sleeve and pulled him back down again.  
  
"You'll ruin it!"   
  
"Ruin what? How can I ruin the sports channel in my uncles lounge?" asked Dave, totally confused. Abby rolled her eyes.  
  
"Go, go, I don't care!" she said, waving him out of the door. Dave brushed his shirt as though Abby's hand's had somehow dirtied it.   
  
"This was my best shirt!" he muttered to himself as he stalked out of the tiny closet.  
  
"Agggrrr!" groaned Abby in frustration. "I can't stand him. Except for the fact that he is incredibly, cute!"  
  
  
  
"Wonder what that's all about, huh?" asked Carter suddenly not feeling very hungry.  
"Yeah. You know John, Dave is absolutely right." said Deb finally looking up at Carter, not totally satisfied that her cheeks had stopped glowing.  
  
"About what?"   
  
"The fact that you are a terrible liar." said Deb with a smile on her face.  
  
"I am, am I?" admitted John weakly.  
  
"Yes, you are." confirmed Deb as the two lapsed into a comfortable silence.  
Suddenly, the music that had been coming from the disco next door all night long went quiet and a message reading loud and clear on the speakers was heard.  
  
"We have a special request form uh.... anonymous to the girl she, ah, he likes. Everybody let's sway to Juice Newton's: Angel of The Morning!"  
The opening strains sounded out as the cheering from the room died down.  
  
"Wanna dance?" asked Carter pushing his chair back and standing up to offer his hand.  
  
"Where?" questioned Deb getting up.   
  
"Right here." he said placing his right hand on Deb's waste. 'It feels nice.' she thought to herself as she rested her hand on John's shoulder. 'And he is the perfect height too.'  
  
***There'll be no strings to bind your hands. Not if my love can't bind your heart. There's no need to take a stand. For it was I who chose a start. I see no need to take me home. I'm old enough to face the dawn.***  
  
Carter felt Deb rest her head on his chest. A warm feeling came over him as he leaned in closer, gently pressing his body against hers.  
  
"What kind of shampoo do you use?"   
  
"Huh?"   
  
"It's just that it smells nice." said John defending himself.   
  
"Really?" said Deb giggling. 'I can't believe he asked me that, of all things!'  
  
"Yeah. really."   
  
Just call me angel of the morning angel. Just touch my cheek before you leave me baby. Just call me angel of the morning angel. Then slowly turn away from me. May be the sun's light will be dim. And it won't matter anyhow.  
  
"Deb?"  
  
"Humm?"  
"You do remember that night, don't you?" asked Carter as Deb closed her eye's and the two swayed as though they were in a time warp.  
  
"Yes. Of course. How could I forget."  
  
"Don't you think there was you know..."  
  
"Something more?" asked Deb opening her eyes.  
  
"Uhuh."  
  
"Well...."  
  
"Well what?" said Carter, confused at where she was going with her choice of words.  
  
***If morning's echoes say we've sinned. Well it was what I wanted now. And if we're victims of the night. I won't be blinded by the light.   
  
Just call me angel of the morning angel. Just touch my cheek before you leave me baby. Just call me angel of the morning angel. Then slowly turn away from me. Through the tears of the day, of the years baby.***   
  
"Doesn't our friendship mean something to you, John?" asked Deb, slowly pulling away.  
  
"It's everything to me. I just thought we could, you know...."  
  
"Take it further?" finished of Deb, suddenly dropping her hand from his shoulder. Immediatly, her hand began to get cold and she instinctively began to try and warm it up with her other hand, but this only turned into a nervous gesture.  
  
"Exactly. Don't you think we should give it a chance? Your already finishing off my sentences."  
  
"But that's just it, Carter." said Deb desperately, tears threatening to fall down her cheeks for the third time that night. John just stood there motionless, listening to what Deb was throwing in his face.  
  
"We're too good for each other and, and it just would be..."  
  
"Right?" whispered Carter softly.  
Deb just looked down at her hands, contemplating what to say. 'If I don't leave soon, I'll do something I'll regret- I want so much to just... I don't know kiss him.'  
She ran from the room and through the emergency exit. Carter was left standing there for a moment as the song that had felt so right came to an end.  
  
***Just call me angel of the morning angel. Just touch my cheek before you leave me baby. Just call me angel of the morning angel. Just touch my cheek before you leave me darling. Just call me angel of the morning baby. Just touch my cheek before you leave me darling.   
Just call me angel of the morning angel. Just touch my cheek before you leave me baby. Just call me angel of the morning angel. Just touch my cheek before you leave me darling. Just call me angel of the morning baby. Just touch my cheek before you leave me darling.***   
  
  
  
"Deb, wait." said Carter, finally catching up to her about half a block from the club house.  
  
"There's nothing to say Carter. We- I can't do this, we'd lose everything we have...."  
  
"Oh don't pull that one on me." he accused, grabbing hold of the edge of her coat that she had hastily put on while on her way out he door.  
  
"Pull what?" she asked, turning around. The tears had already spilled and made her face wet as though she had plunged into a bucket of water.  
  
"The friendship thing. I don't want to lose it, but I'm willing to take a chance. Aren't you?"  
  
"Aren't I what- ready to do something I know would never work, you know, John, don't judge me, ok?" said Deb starting up on her way again.  
  
"Judge you? Your the one judging me. I'm not good enough for a chance am I?" yelled Carter, a dam of anger and fury let loose. Deb suddenly stooped walking. Her back was turned but this didn't stop him. John kept talking to her.  
  
"A druggie? Is that all I am to you, huh? A druggie not good enough for you- Can't even tell that to my face, think your a real friend of mine?" yelled Carter, running his hands through his hair in frustration.   
  
Suddenly Deb turned around. The street lamp on the side of the road lit up her tiny frame. John could see that Deb's face was red and that her eyes seemed swollen. He began to feel bad for all the things he had said.  
  
"Deb I..."  
  
"Your sorry. I know but I was right all along, Carter. This would never work out. Next time you start yelling- get your facts straight, ok. You know nothing. Nothing about what's going on in my life now." said Deb more tears falling down her face, if that was even possible as it seemed as though she had cried enough for a whole army.  
  
"Yeah, well...."  
  
"Don't bother Carter. I think you should save it." said Deb, hailing a cab that she hurriedly got into.  
  
"Deb-"  
  
"Save it Carter."  
  
  
  
Deb was sadly tuning the beautiful instrument that her Grandfather had bought for her. After blowing Carter's head off on the street, she had hailed a cab and went to her freezing apartment to find that the heating was not working.  
  
"It wasn't like he didn't deserve it." she said to herself, pulling her gloves back on after tuning the last string. "I mean, he had no right to be yelling at me like that without knowing the full story."   
  
There was a knock at the door. Getting up slowly from her chair and pulling her thick brown coat around her shoulders tighter, Deb put away her tuning equipment and hurrid as fast as she could to the door. Another more impatient knock came.  
  
"Yeah, I'm coming, I'm coming." she yelled as she unlocked the double locks she had on for security. "Abby, what are you doing here?"   
  
"What do you think?" asked Abby agrily, glaring at Deb with her hands crossed against her chest.  
  
"I don't know what your talking about." said Deb, leading Abby into her apartment.  
  
"Yeah. Sure. Why is it so cold in here?"   
  
"Really I do not know what your talking about and the heating's broken." said Deb putting on her 'Everythings gonna be just fine smile.  
  
"Carter? John? Hello, Deb, what you did to him was really mean." yelled Abby pacing the room all the while looking at Deb.  
  
"No, I did what he deserved."  
  
"You broke his heart!"  
  
"I didn't mean to...." said Deb trying to defend herself.  
  
"But you did." There was silence.  
  
"It wasn't anything more than just a kiss."   
  
"You told me it was!" yelled back Abby, throwing her hands up in the air in expaggeration.  
  
"At the time, yes. Now, I really don't know anymore." said Deb collapsing on the sofa in a heap and rubbing her face tiredly.  
  
"What do you mean you don't know, either you do- or you don't." declaied Abby sitting beside Deb.  
  
"Well I do, but I can't."   
  
"What do you mean-"  
  
"I'm getting married." said Deb in a rush looking away from Abby.  
"Huh?"  
  
"You heard me the first time. My parents have arranged for me to marry this... guy."   
  
"Is that even legal?" asked Abby, astounded that they still did this.  
  
"Yes and that's why you can't tell anybody." said Deb forcefully turning around to face Abby with a strong look of determination on her face.  
  
"Do you even know the guy?"  
  
"Yes. He's a family friend- you can't tell anyone especially not John."  
  
"But-" protested Abby.  
  
"You have to promise me!" demanded Deb.  
  
"Fine. I won't tell anyone but you owe me big." agreed Abby "So tell me more about   
this guy..."  
  
"I don't really want to talk about it." said Deb, suddenly looking sick.  
  
"You can't hide forever."  
  
"I know, I know."  
  
"Then... spill it." said Abby impatiently. Deb sighed.  
  
"I got ambushed at my parents dinner today, or yesterday actually." she said, looking down at her watch .  
  
"Don't you even have a choice?"  
  
"Yes, but I already let my parents down and"  
  
"When?"  
  
"Remember when I gave away-"  
"Oh." The two lapsed into silence once more.  
  
"Enough about me, what about you and Kovac." said Deb a michevous smile on her face.  
  
"That department ain't going so well with me either...."  
  
  
  
"Carter my man, you've had me so worried, where have you been?" yelled Dave letting Carter into the apartment.  
  
"Out." he said pushing past Dave and into the apartment.  
  
"I thought you were going to kill yourself- what happened with Jing-mei?" asked Dave following behind.  
  
"Nothing."  
  
"Carter, you gotta tell-"  
  
"Dave not now ok !?" Carter yelled. He slowly walked to his room, his shoulders hunched and his shirt all rumpled. Dave knew enough to let him alone and plopped down on the couch, turning on the t.v.   
  
"Sheesh. People these days just don't tell you anything."  
  
"Nobody would tell you anything, Dave." came Carter's voice through the walls.  
Dave got up and switched of the WWF wrestling that he had setteled down to watch.  
  
"Wait a sec man, what are you talking about?"   
  
"Just that Dave, I don't even know why you bother. You know I won't tell you anything." said Carter as he headed off to the kitchen where he grabbed a mug off the rack.   
  
"Look, Carter there is obviously something on you mind and that's what I'm here for."   
  
"All your here for is to eat my food, Dave and nothing else." he said monotoniously.  
  
"Now hear me out, Carter. I took you to a place where you got a free meal which you yourself admitted was pretty good. I worry sick for over four hours wondering where you'd got to- whether you jumped off a bridge or gotten yourself kidnapped or"  
  
"Save your breath Malucci." said Carter getting up dejectedly.  
  
"But-" protested Dave standing up and putting his hand out to stop him. However Carter just pushed passed.  
  
"Save it."   
  
  
  
  



	6. Once Twice Three Times part 6

***Two/four days later***  
  
Part 6.  
  
"Hello, Jing-mei." said Carter rounding the desk and searching aimlessly through the chart rack.  
  
"Hello, John. Any interesting cases?" she asked politely, keeping her eyes on the computer screen.  
  
"Nope. I'll take the weak and dizzy in four. See you around."  
  
"Yeah. See ya," As soon as Carter left admin, Deb's shoulders sagged and she sighed a lonely sigh.   
  
Haleh approched Deb from behind, a stack of charts in her arms. "What's wrong, Honey?" she asked.  
  
"Nothing," she said trying to sound upbeat and normal.  
  
"What's happening between you and Carter has been going on for a long time. You can't hide it forever. Your breaking his heart, can't you see that?"  
  
"I've got patients to see," said Deb, giving Haleh a big smile. She typed a command into the computer and left the desk with the first chart she could lay her hand on.  
  
Instead of going to the patient, Deb ran to the bathroom, almost falling through the doors in a rush.   
  
She entered one of the stalls, not bothering to lock the door. Sitting down on the tolit, she put her hed in her hands in an effort to stop the room from spinning. 'He called me Jing-mei.' she wispered to herself as the room came to a standstill 'It's like everything is all my fault!'   
  
Abby came into the bathroom and heard Jing Mei's whispers from the stall. She noticed the door was slightly open, so she knocked lightly before opening it up.   
  
"Deb, whats wrong?" Abby asked.  
  
"Abby, I'm fine. It's just that..." Deb dragged on.  
  
"This is what you call fine?" yelled Abby.  
  
"I was just dizzy, that's all," Deb said as she pushed past Abby toward the sink to wash her face.  
  
"Listen to yourself! You know you're not alright. Deb you've taken so many shifts that you haven't been home since the date and that was three days ago."  
  
"I'll be fine, Okay? Work is the one place where I can just forgt about everthing."   
"Even John?" asked Abby softly.  
  
"No, not him. But at least I can see him here. But every time..." admitted Deb leaning against the bench and drying her hands on a paper towel.  
  
"What, everytime he-?"  
  
"Everytime he looks at me, Abby. Everytime I see his puppy dog eyes and I melt like... like icecream thats been left out of the freezer to long and its been getting harder ad harder to hide it," said Deb putting her head down. "Today he called me Jing-mei."  
  
"And he never calls you Jing-mei," said Abby getting the picture. "You need to get some rest, you look even worse than the patients."  
  
"Geez thanks."   
  
"No, really. After this shift your coming home with me."  
  
"I can't," said Deb looking away. "I've got to go to my engagement party."  
  
"Oh."   
  
There was silence.  
  
"Ok. Fine. You can come to my place after the party. I'm cancelling all your double shifts this week and next," said Abby bossily.  
  
"Hey-"  
  
"No. The ER can survive without you, the nurses are already getting worried about you- including me!"  
  
"Fine. Only becuse you said I looked worse than the patients..."  
  
"Well you do," butted in Abby.  
  
"Can I go now?" asked Deb guesturing towards the door.  
  
"Yes, you can," said Abby rolling her eyes before following Deb back to work.  
  
  
  
"Don't you think your being a bit...harsh?" asked Dave following Carter on his way to exam 4.  
  
"About what?" said Carter innocently  
  
"Jing-mei."  
  
"No, not at all. What did I do?"   
  
Dave gave him a look.   
  
"What?"  
  
"You don't think using her real name instead of your pet name isn't harsh?"  
  
"It's not a pet name," said Carter entering exam four. To his surprise, Dave followed him in.  
  
"Then what is it?"  
  
"A name. Nothing else, Dave I got a patient waiting," said Carter, smiling at the very   
pale mad sitting infront of him.  
  
"Do you mind?" asked Dave turning to the patient.  
  
"Oh no," said the man sofly and slowly. "You two go on ahead."  
  
"Thank you, Okay, Carter what happened with you and Chen after last night?"  
  
"Nothing," Carter turned his attention back to the patient. "Mr Right, how long have you had these bout's of dizzyness and weakness." he asked, ignoring Dave for a minuet.  
  
"You can't keep this to yourself forever you know. I'll find out sooner or later," Dave said. He walked to the other side of the bed and sat down looking at the patient.   
  
"For a week," said Mr Right, answering Carter's question.  
  
"You didn't have sex or anything, did you?" Dave was looking at Mr Right, though his question was directed at Carter.  
  
"Ummmm..."  
  
"Not you Sir. Dave I think you should leave. It is not the time or place to discuss this," Carter said, nodding his head pointedly at the door while snapping on a pair of latex gloves.  
  
"Well, just answer my question."  
  
"Dave-"  
  
"Okay, okay I'm going. But you didn't say no..."  
  
"Dave!"  
"I'm going! Get well soon Mr R." said Dave finally leaving the room.  
  
"Sorry about that," apologized Carter.  
  
"Nah, you guys shouldn't be looking after an old hag like me. You should be looking for girls and having fun!" said the old man watching Carter's hand press against his chubby abdomen.  
  
"Don't worry we do enough of that now a days too, Dave more so," said Carter wiith a smile taking the stethoscope from around his neck and listening to the patients breath sounds.  
  
"So, was Dave right? Did you...you know... with her?" asked Mr Right, a mischevious look on his face. "If you tell me, I won't tell anyone. Who's the chick, anyway. Not some cute doc, was it?"   
  
Carter looked up with a raised eyebrow and an amused look on his face."You really shouldn't have asked."  
  
"Why?" asked Mr Right confused.  
  
"Because, I'm not going to answer," said Carter, giving Mr Right a big smile as he walked out of the room. "I'll be back soon sir, the nurse will be in soon to get a urine sample."   
  
As soon as Carter walked into the hallway, he sighed and snapped off his gloves. Back to another shift of getting sympathy stares from the nurses.  
  
  
  
Deb smiled a fake but believeable smile at the richly dressed asian woman and then looked for the next guest. Once again, the fake smile and nod of the head. Louie was however looking more anticipated, a happy glow and huge grin on his face, his expensive looking suit shining with all it's might. Deb was dressed in a simple but formal gown, and her long black hair was swept up in a fancy hair-do that complimented her clothes.  
  
Finally everyone was seated in the huge ballroom that had been decorated with the appropreate equipment. The large windows on the left darkened the shaddows of night that tried to creep in - the gigantic chandlers keeping the room well lit  
Laughter and the clinking of crystal glasses could be heard with the light sound of the peak traffic in the back ground that would die away as the motorists find their way home and the night shift picks up.   
Deb was at the practice dinner and announcement of her engagement. Her family had been afraid that she would back down at the last moment as so they had arranged the wedding to be just a week after the engagement. The whole wedding had been arranged by her parents and Louie which didn't matter as she didn't care how the wedding went anyway. It was all to prove to her parents that she still the perfect little daughter they had made her out to be to their friends and relatives.  
"Everybody, I'd like to propose a toast," said Louie's father standing up. He looked pretty much like Deb's father but shorter and a lot more chubbier around the waist. As he stood up the huge gold chain that hung from the insides of his jacked clinked against each other as though he was showing off his wealth.   
  
'I bet those are solid gold'. Thought Deb to herself, 'Probably wore them everyday.'  
  
"To Louey and Jing-mei. May they have a happy life together!"   
  
"May they have a happy life together!" claimed the chours of the party as they all took a sip form their glasses.   
  
"And I now hand Louie over to you to make a speech as we wait for the food to arrive," as he said this, he sat down and Deb looked beside her to see that Louie had already stood up and, still sporting that silly grin on his face, began to make a toast.  
  
"I am very happy to be engaged to Jing-mei. I know she will be a wonderful wife."   
  
'Yeah right, snickered Deb containing her smirk.  
  
"I love her,"   
  
'What ever, jerk' Deb whispered to herself, another fake smile up at Louie as the crowd ahhh'ed appropriatly at his last line.   
  
"And I intend to make her very happy. I can assure you...."  
  
'Your not the one I want...."   
  
"That I will take very good care of her. Thank you all for coming tonight and I hope you all enjoy your dinner," said Louie as the crowd clapped and sipped once more out of their glasses.   
  
'Just keep at it Chen, Maybe one day he'll step in front of a bus...' This time, Deb smiled a real smile.  
  
  
  
John didn't know what he was doing on the streets. Wandering around aimlessly was his first guess. Looking for someone to ease his burden was another. However one way or another he was still stuck on the busy streets in down town Chicago at seven at night.  
  
It had been hell at work. But then again, he couldn't just lose his job. It was all that semed to make him get up every day. An obligation. Of course, there was Deb. Ahhh..... didn't he wish.   
  
'No. No, stop it,' he whispered to himself violently, tying to get the thoughts that were running thick and fast through his mind. 'She's what you can't have. No use brooding over it.' he thought to himself.   
Suddenly, Carter stopped in front of a huge restaurant. The windows were alight and the curtains pulled back to show a huge volume of people all sitting around tables, listening to a lone speaker standing up, a glass in her hand saying what John thought to be of as a toast...  
  
"Oh, I'm sure that our very lovely Jing Mei has a little something that she wants to add, said Deb's father, speaking up after the clinking had died down a little.   
  
"No, no-" she began to protest but was out numbered.  
  
"Speech! Speech! Speech!" they chanted, their voices all sounding so robotic to Deb, blending together like a vacuum cleaner that was trying to suck up all the dust particles it could get.  
  
Finally, she couldn't take it anymore. If she didn't say anything she would be thought of a person not able to speack up for herself. In Asian culture, that was exceptable. But in hr line of work was considered a worthless quality that would bring her down.   
  
Deb stood up, glass in hand.  
  
Before saying anything to the now silent audence, she paused and looked around. At one of the windows that showed a view of the street, she saw a face, strangly fimillar, staring back up at her....  
  
'Oh my God.' whispered Carter to himself. 'It's Deb...' He watched as she got up her courage and began to say something. He saw her smiling openly at the crowd and even thought John could not hear what Deb was saying he knew every word.   
  
Deb saw the face. She knew exactly who it was. But the audence around her demanded her attention- all of her attention.   
  
"I'm sure Louie will make a wonderful husband," she couldn't help it. Sad to look up at John. His eyes. There they were again, looking up at her with a cold, puppy dog stare.  
  
'I saw it. "I'm sure Louey will make a great husband." wait I must be mistaken.' John pressed his face further into the glass, not trusting his judgement first hand.  
  
"We will be very happy and I am greatful to all of you for your support. With my working hours it is extremely hard to plan a wedding." 'If only I could postpone it. Must be time for me to hang around some flu patients once again.'  
  
'Wedding.' The word hit him like a brick to the face. Deb was getting married...  
  
'I had to say it. I must equal up to Louie's speech.' "I love him." once more the crowd aahhhhhed approprately.  
  
John took a step back from the window not quiet believeing what he had just lip read but now that he saw it couldn't hide from it. She was in love with someone else. Someone else that was not him. He stepped back into the shaddows to wait for the party to end.  
  
"You two make a wonderful couple," said the kindly old lady as she gave Deb a kiss on the cheek and shook hands with Louie.  
  
"Thank you," said Deb, trying to sound grateful.  
  
"I wish you many years of happiness," she said before finally leaving the ballroom.   
  
"That went well," said Louie, looking at Deb.   
  
"Yes, it did. I'm sorry Louie but I've got to get going. I have an early shift tomorrow," said Deb, picking up her coat and handbag.  
  
"Oh, ok. Are you going to have a lot of these, um, early shifts?" he asked awkwardly.  
  
"You know, day shift, night shift, thirty-six hour shifts what ever they throw at me," answered Deb nonchelantly.  
  
"Uhuh. Do you want me to give you a lift?" offered Louey.  
  
"No thank you. I brought my car over and I haven't driven it in a while, it's been in the shop," said Deb coming up with a quick excuse as she pulled on her coat. Louey immediatly stood up to help her. Deb resisted the urge to push him away but knew it would be a mistake if she did.   
  
"So I'll see you this Sunday?" reminded Louey.  
  
"Yeah, you'll see me. I'd better get going," said Deb, suddenly getting nervous as he seemed to be inching closer and closer to her.  
  
"Yeah I'll see you then," but at the last minute, as she turned to leave, Louie captured her mouth in a passonate kiss. Before Deb knew what was happening, he slipped his tongue in and was rolling it around her mouth...  
  
"Deb, Deb wait up!" yelled Carter, running to catch up to her.  
  
"Oh. John. I thought you'd already left."  
  
"You saw me didn't you?" Carter didn't get a response. "You saw me didn't you? Deb answer me!"  
  
"Yes, I saw you what else am I supposed to say?" demanded Deb, frustrated at the way John was treating her.  
  
"I don't know," admitted Carter as he followed Deb to her car. "Deb, why didn't you tell me?"  
  
"I don't know, Carter, I guess..... I guess I couldn't," stuttered Deb, digging round her handbag for her keys.  
  
"What do you mean you don't know?" yelled Carter "How could you not tell me?"  
  
"Look. I just didn't know what to say," said Deb as she finally dragged her keys out, still looking at each one not being able to look up into his eyes.  
  
"Look at me.... No. Deb will you just look at me?" asked Carter lifting her chin up. But he didn't have to. Deb whipped her head up and stared coldly into Carter's eyes.  
  
"There I'm looking. Happy?" she asked angrily, keys positioned ready to open her car door.  
"No. That's not the point..." said John as he moved closer to Deb, stepping between her and her car door.  
  
"Then what is the point Carter, huh?" said Deb, looking even deeper into his eyes, almost daring him to come up with an answer.  
  
"The point is that you didn't tell me that you were getting married. Deb, we're friends I thought you knew ages ago that you could tell me anything - especially with something like this. I guess eveyone at works knows and is invited," said Carter, speculated staring back at Jing Mei equal force.  
  
"John..... Carter, I'm not inviting anyone," said Deb tossing her keys back into her purse.  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"That's it. I haven't told anyone except Abby and don't you *dare* go blaming her   
because I made her promise me that she wouldn't say a word."  
  
"Woah! so why aren't you inviting anyone again?" said Carter trying to understand all the facts that he was being bombarded with.  
  
"I'm not organising the wedding, Carter. Mummy, Daddy and Louie..."  
  
"So that's his name, huh? Louie," said Carter bitterly.  
  
"Carter don't start on me. What do you want?" demanded Deb.   
  
"Well, a date would be nice."  
  
"This Sunday-"  
  
"Wait a sec, you've been engaged for months and you..." yelled Carter angrily, continuing before Deb could explain "How could you not tell me!"   
  
"No. John I was just engaged just a week ago."  
  
"And this dosn't seem like a rush to you?" said John shaking his head in amazement.  
  
"Look, Carter, I have an early shift tomorrow," said Deb, signaling for him to let her get to her car.  
  
"Fine. Go, go!" said Carter stepping away.  
  
"Look, Carter... John... I'm sorry," said Deb as she got into her car.  
  
Carter just waved her off. Deb rolled up her driver side window and drove off, leaving   
John standing in her parking spot.   
  
"Yeah. So am I..." he whispered out loud to nobody in particuar before heading off in the opposite direction.  
  
  
  



	7. Once Twice Three times part 7

Heaps and heaps and heaps of thanks to Lisa who picked out all the gramma and puncuation mistakes, I know, I know I spell terribly. Thany you so much for fixing some of my sentrances without you this story would be.... I dunno, different thats for sure. :):):):):):):):):)(Lisa you are the best!)  
  
Part 7  
  
I couldn't believe that I had just blown him off like that and had left him standing in the middle of the street. I drove away, not really minding where I was going but the wedding was at the back of my mind, refusing to leave like a leech that had decided that it wasn't quiet ready to leave me alone. Not until he had sucked the life out of me.   
  
I was to be 'Mrs Louie Chi' in three days time. Not like I was going to keep the name anyway. At work I will be Dr Chen and my personal business was mine and nobody else's.  
  
Before I knew it I had the lights of the Chicago city behind me and I was heading to the suburbs, the sting of hot tears not subsiding as a newly built dam flooded my already wet cheeks. And the gates of Heaven opened with a flood that only Noah could stand in and then I knew it.  
  
I was all alone.  
  
Just like before.  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
I felt like willing myself to let go. Just let the cars take me up to the stars where the rain was never wet and the pain was bitterless.   
  
But I could never do that.  
  
Al that I've worked for in the past two years, pre-stabbing... post-stabbing... all that meant a lot to me and I was not going to give up all that in blind rage.   
That's how everything is to me now. Before and After. Everything is categorized, I don't know where exactly Deb fit into the picture but I knew she was something important. Someone who could make a drastic impact on my life.   
  
Someone who already has.  
  
Just telling her how I felt about her was not something that came naturally. It wasn't routine, like doing a spinal tap or something.  
  
If I told her that my breath got caught in my throat everytime she bushed past me and that it too me a few minuets to get it back, or that when ever I saw her I would suddenly feel the blood rush to my face, she would look at me as though I had lost my mind and therefore I would be officially rejected.   
  
I don't think I could take that. Being rejected, I mean.  
  
Somewhere between when she came back to County and when she gave birth to Michael I know that I must have fallen in love with her. Come to think of it I had a pretty big crush on her when I was a 3rd year Med student but once again, too scared to let her think that I was trying to beat her in her studies by dating. Now I'm afraid that I've lost the chance.   
  
And in the middle of feeling sorry for myself and trying to see how many lives I had left, I had walked away from where I was and somehow made it to the front doorstep of none other than the Carter Family Mansion.  
  
  
  
"What took you so long? You said that you'd be here by eleven!"   
  
I was faced with a concerned Abby, hands on her hips handing me a cup of hot chocolate. Greatful but not in the mood to chat, I entered my apartment and took the drink wondering how Abby managed to get into my home.   
As soon as I entered, the smell of chicken soup cooking on my stove could be smelt and I immediately sniffed at the air wanting more of where that smell came from. I hadn't really eaten anything since lunch, not having any appetite at the 'dinner' and now I was starving.   
Abby had me out of my coat and ushered me to my room before I could even see what exactly she had done to my tiny kitchen.   
  
"Change into something more comfortable and then you can eat- not before." commanded Abby noticing how Deb kept looking towards the kitchen where a pot stood, steam softly rising from it's edges in a calming almost hypnotic way.   
  
I walked robotically into my bedroom and, chose an extra long t-shirt that went just above my knees and a pair of black, cotton baggy draw-string pants. Walking out of my room, I turned my mirror away, not wanting to look at myself in the face, extremely ashamed of who I'd become.   
  
"So when did you become a great cook?" I asked looking over Abby's shoulder as she silently stirred the pot with a silver ladle.   
  
"Since forever. You really need to eat. Grab a bowl and sit down." said Abby getting straight to the point. For some strange reason, she didn't know exactly what to say to Deb. She had something to say to her, but didn't know how.The problem was that her beating around the bush was clearly not making things easier, and was definitely not her style.  
  
Deb opened a cupboard and with a sigh, reached up and grabbed the first bowl her fingers touched. Taking that and a soup spoon from a drawer just below, she walked to the counter where a couple of high stools stood, and sat down. Abby was acting weird and knew that the best way to deal with it was to wait until she told her what was wrong. In the few months of their friendship, Deb learned one thing about Abby - wait until she made the first move...eventually she will say what's on her mind.  
  
  
  
I didn't have a clue about what I was doing and I stood at the door step for a while longer, not making a move to ring the door bell or thinking about anything in particular. Trying to keep my thoughts neutral had been hard and now I've just came to the conclusion that they aren't necessary at all. Finally, I turn my back and walked away from the beautiful glossy doors with artistic but formal stained glass designs on them.   
  
The grass underneath my feet crunched and swished underneath my rubber-soled shoes walked across to the gazebo that was in the center of the lawn surrounded by large unrecognizable bushes. It was strange that I had remembered the way to the wooden structure in the dark. When I was younger I had been up here every night just to think. But I hadn't been there in over fifteen years.  
  
When I got there the smell of cigarette smoke was softly moving through the door way in an almost hypnotic manner. I took a deep breath knowing that smoke was all I needed to calm my nerves.   
  
"John, what are you doing here?"  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
"We broke up." blurted out Abby suddenly.   
  
"What?"  
  
"It didn't work out, I guess. He was waiting at my apartment and he told me that if I didn't want to take this further I wouldn't have to."  
  
"And you said?" asked Deb, wanting to squeeze out as much information as possible. Disgarding her bowl of steaming hot soup, she turned to Abby.  
  
"That I think we should go our separate ways." proclaimed Abby with confidence.   
  
"You didn't." said Deb, more of a statement than a question.   
  
"No... I didn't." said Abby a few tears escaping from the corner of her eyes, threatening to bring out a few more as the wall of confidence she had built around her begun to erode,  
  
"Oh, come here!" said Deb soothingly as she opened her arm's wide ready to hug Abby and play the 'good friend'. "You'll find another guy, anyone would be stupid not to love you."  
  
"Yeah. I wish it was that simple." Abby suddenly pulled away from Deb and quickly wiped her reddened eyes, not used to showing that much emotion. "Eat."  
  
Deb ceremoniously took a spoonful of the soup.   
  
"So how was the dinner? Doesn't look like you ate much." said Abby, watching as Deb began to eat, no really paying much attention to anything except the bowl in front of her.  
  
"This is real good." answered Deb, pulling her face downwards, not wanting to look Abby in the eye and hoping that perhaps she would just drop the comments.  
  
No such luck.  
  
"Don't play dumb with me Jing-mei...."  
  
"I'm not playing dumb-"  
  
"Then will you please tell me what happened?" asked an exasperated Abby, crossing her arms cross her chest, her problems with Luka forgotten for the time being.  
  
"You don't want to know." said Deb sorrowfully, beginning with her sad tale.   
  
  
  
"I didn't know you smoked." came Carter's simple question.  
  
"I don't... usually." came back the reply from deep within the shadows. John made no move to leave his position by the entrance of the pagola.   
  
"Why did you come here in the middle of the night?" she reinstated another puff of smoke in Carter's direction. "Sit down John."  
  
Carter accepted the invitation and sat down next to the aging woman. Her white hair was thin and weak, her cheak bones were clearly outlined against the porcelain skin. Baggs round her eyes showed fatigue and the thick robe seemed inappropriate to the warm September wind. Winter was just around the corner and yet the air still smelled of Spring, the sent of crippling leaves barely noticeable.   
  
"You don't look well Gamma."   
  
"I'll be alright."  
  
And with that the two sat, content with their own thoughts penetrating through the darkness of the night.   
  
~*~*~*~  
  
"I almost thought you got it worse than me." said Abby sadly. "No." she declared suddenly, "You do have it worse."  
  
"Jeeze, thanks for the insight." answered Deb, rolling her eyes. "I actually agree with you." she said joining Abby by sighing deeply,   
  
"Eat."   
  
"I'm eating!" defended Deb picking up her spoon and sipping more of the soup. "Where are you staying- Didn't you move in with him like a month ago?"  
  
Abby looked at her, not saying anything, her eye brows slightly raised. "I've already leaned out my stuff but-"   
  
"Your staying with me." concluded Deb, taking another sip of the soup, her face et with determination that Abby knew would take a hurricane to distroy.  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
"John what are you doing here in the middle of the night?" asked Gamma, her need to satisfy her thoughts becoming irrational.   
  
"Well, its morning, now, actually." said John trying to hide from the question by looking at his watch which had managed to wind its way to the insides of his wrist again.  
  
"John." said Millicent Carter impatiently, her face even though quiet pale and frail looking took on the uncharacteristic look of being annoyed.  
  
"I don't know what to say Gamma. What do you what me to say?" asked Carter, not sure how to explain things or weather or not he should.  
  
"The truth." she said logically. "Is it work?" Gamma asked critically.  
  
"No!" stated John firmly. "Work is great."  
  
"Is it woman problems?" Millicent asked once again, looking into her grandsons face to see if she can allocate any hidden feelings. But John had long since built a wall around his emotions, one that was like hell and back to distroy.   
  
"You could say that." he said softly, looking out at the fields of grass that had just been freshly mown last afternoon.   
  
Millicent thought that she had detected a pinch of sadness in the depths of her grandsons facial expressions but as soon as it had appeared, that tiny wave of emotion had died away.  
  
  
  
"You know it's been a long time since I've actually had this much fun." claimed Deb.   
  
"I agree." said Abby, another spoonful of ice-cream from the tub reaching her mouth.  
  
The two friends had moved from the warm kitchen to the comfy living room. Abby was seated at the opposite end of the couch to Deb and the two of them were sharing a huge, thick colourful doona that was adorned with orange stars to a bright yellow backdrop. Each held a tub of ice-cream, careful not to stain the donna cover.  
  
"Think the rumors about Kerry are true?"   
  
"Well... Shirley the O.R nurse is very reliable. She told me herself what she heard..."  
  
"And you believe?" asked Abby incredulously  
  
"I believe." declared Deb as seriously as she could at one in the morning.   
  
"Ok." said Abby, the look of denial still plastered to her face. "You and John- I suppose it's a no go?"  
  
"It's been a no-go right from the start Abby." said Deb sadly. "I was chasing something that would never exist, not in a million years."  
"Yeah well, I was sought of hoping..."  
  
"I was sought of hoping too but I got into this mess by myself and there isn't a way out."  
  
"Have you tried?"   
  
"Tried to what?" asked Deb suspiciously.  
  
"You know... call the wedding off-" suggested Abby unfruitfuly.  
  
"No way." snapped Deb as though it was an insane thing to do.   
  
"Why not? I mean, you could just make up an excuse that you felt..." dragged off Abby, wishing that she had a better reason.   
  
"Felt what." asked Deb, getting a tad annoyed, her question sounding more like a statement. "What is this? Let's See How We Can Fix My Life in Twenty Seconds? Please, Abby spare me the guilt. What's done is done and there is nothing that I can do to change it."  
  
  
  



	8. Once Twice Three Times part 8

Part 8   
  
Carter walked slowly down the busy Chicago street. It was almost spring and the sun was shining brightly, a slightly cool breeze floating among the crowd. It had been two days since Deb had told him and two days of sulking. 'Today will be a good day,' he whispered to himself. 'I know it will be...'   
  
~*~*~*~   
  
Deb walked out of her bathroom, dressed for work. Stopping infront of the couch, she saw Abby sacked out, a cup of strong smelling coffee in her hands.   
  
"You working today?" Abby asked casually, sitting straighter although not looking directly into her friend's face. Deb continued to fill her bag with a few necessities, looking up as Abby spoke.   
  
"Yeah, Weaver called. They need another resident," answered Deb. "It's been a nice two days though," she said referring to the time they had spent discussing their hopeless love lives and just everything in general.   
  
"Totally," agreed Abby. "I go in at eleven. I get the short shift today."   
  
"Lucky!"   
  
"John's on today isn't he?" Abby asked slowly, not wanting to press on an already delicate issue.   
  
"Uh huh," Deb answered nonchanly, quickly applying a bit of lipstick while glancing into the hallway mirror.   
  
"And you are not worried about..." Abby said in surprise. Deb had just complained to her of how hard it world be, yet she seemed like she had all ready gotten over all that... a bit too fast, in Abby's opinion.   
  
"Look, we are now friends. Co-workers. He understands, I understand- what more do you want?"   
  
"I don't know..."   
  
"Well I do and I also know that I'm going to be late," said Deb pointedly. Abby saw that this discussion was closed and nodded to herself, understanding that it would be unfair to press further.   
  
"See you at eleven," she called out at after Deb's waving hand as she rushed out the door.   
  
  
  
"Deb! Hey."   
She turned, looking through the mild crowd for who had called her name. A second later, he appeared. His hair was sticking up in the cute little tufts that always seemed to make the corners of her mind watery.   
  
"Hey John," she replied, a grin stretching across her face. "Long time no see."   
  
"You could say that," he joked back.   
  
For a moment they stood staring at each other, their eyes quickly scanning for any pieces of information, trying to gauge where they stood with each other since the last time they met.   
  
"Scuse me," said a no-nonsense woman that brushed passed Deb without a second glance, bringing the two out of their trance.   
  
"Um, you busy tonight?" asked Carter nervously as he took Deb's arm and led her through the crowd towards the hospital.   
  
'Is he asking me out?' "No, I'm not busy. You... you want to do something? You know, as friends or some-" mumbled Deb, processing her thoughts slower than usual, her natural instincts taking over without a moments pause, the rational part of her mind screaming for her to forget it. Everything seemed unrealistic, almost a blur. The only things she could focus on was John's face, which also had become blurry.   
  
"Yeah, sure. After work?" confirmed Carter before being quickly wisked away by a very confused and bewildered looking Dave.   
  
"After work," Deb repeated with a smile that she didn't realize she was wearing.   
  
"CHEN!"   
  
"Um, yes Dr Weaver?" asked Deb coming out of her trance.   
  
"Let's stop day dreaming and get to work, G.S.W to the chest rolling in, E.T.A two minutes and I want you there!" yelled Kerry as she wrote furiously on the board.   
  
"Yes, Dr. Weaver," repeated Deb, decidingvto forget about her 'friendly' date with Carter for at least a few hours, however hard that maybe.   
  
~*~*~*~   
  
"Dave let go of me!" John demanded "What are you doing?"   
  
"Saving your ass out there, man," proclaimed Dave. An uncharacteristic look of seriousness was painted on his face as he backed Carter into a row of lockers in the Lounge, a move to prevent Carter from escaping his questions.   
  
"I didn't need to be saved, Dave," said Carter irritatingly. Pushing past the younger doctor, he opened his locker and took out a lab coat and hurriedly put it on in the hopes that he could avoid him or at least get him to drop the subject.   
  
"So what was that out there?"   
  
"None of your business, Dave."   
  
"Oh, yes it is. Spill it!" said Dave, once again cutting off Carter, this time in front of the coffee machine. Carter sighed, knowing he wouldn't get a much needed dose of caffeine without adding more fuel to the rumor mill.   
  
"We're going out together after work."   
  
"What are you, *nuts*?" yelled Dave, finally moving away from the bench.   
  
Carter didn't say anything and continued to make the hot drink. Dave started to pace the room, shaking his head with each step.   
  
"Aren't you even worried?"   
  
"No."   
  
"Have you decided where you are going?"   
  
"Not yet..."   
  
"You do now that your going out with a committed woman, right?"   
  
"Yes, Dave I know. Will you leave me alone now so that I can drink in peace?" said Carter, annoyed at all the questions Dave was throwing at him at full speed.   
  
"Okay man, I believe you," answered Dave quietly, finally respecting Carter's wishes.   
"Good luck, you know, ah with everything." he said, his hand on his shoulder as a gesture of support.   
  
Noticing the sincerity of his words, Carter nodded solemnly. With a final glance, Dave left the Lounge, looking over his shoulder before being swept into a place where chaos ruled and where miracles happened.   
  
~*~*~*~   
  
The cheap, fluorescent lights lit the greasy diner, coating the atmosphere with a metallic feel. The smoke from past cigarettes filtered around the tables, creating an almost spooky effect. Yet despite all those influences, Doc Magoos was a friendly place. Filled with many peoples, most of which had entered to buy a quick meal and perhaps, escape from the last of the winters chill.   
  
Deb and John sat in a secluded corner by the window. The hustle and bustle of the traffic could be seen, though not heard through the clear glass that looked onto the street while they sat and talked about everything and anything. Little did they know that someone, or rather some persons were watching, taking in every detail...   
  
*   
  
"Oh my gawd!" whispered Abby excitedly.   
  
"Holy-" Dave said. He was almost speechless, his mouth wide open as he looked to where Abby was pointing, her eyes twinkling in delight.   
  
"You could say that again!"   
  
Ducking her head down quickly, Abby grabbed Dave's arm and signaling for him to keep quiet, she waited until Carter's head was turned to face the window before dragging him to the booth next to where the friends were sitting. Pressing their ears as close as it was possible to the booth next door, they waited and listened for whatever pieces of information that they could get.   
  
*   
  
"So, I hear that you're considering chief resident," said Carter quietly. He toyed nervously with the edge of the table cloth as he waited for a reply.   
  
"Yes, of course. Aren't you going to put in your application?"   
  
"Decided against it."   
  
Deb lifted her head up quickly in surprise. She had naturally assumed that they would be competing for the position. "Really, why?"   
  
"Wouldn't stand a chance," Carter said, jokingly. Deb shot him a look that told him she wanted a reason and it better be a good one. "Seriously. I won't stand a chance with Weaver and the added stress... just doesn't seem like its worth it."   
  
Deb nodded slowly, understanding where John came from but didn't comment on his views. "Are you going to see if you could get an attending position at County?"   
  
"Definitely, I've always wanted to continue at County. It's like home there."   
  
"And that practically every nurse just loves you?" Deb said, a trace of mischief in her voice.   
  
"That too."   
  
They lapsed into another silence, this one, however was much more comfortable that those previously shared. The more John thought about it as he sipped his hot coffee, the more he felt like Deb was becoming a part of him. A big part and that, was scary.   
  
"You know there's a carnival down the road on navy pier." suggested Deb carefully. Her eyes hopefully searching his face for any recognition of what she was trying to say.   
  
"Heard about it. Gamma wanted to take me on my Saturday off," answered Carter rolling his eyes, "but I wouldn't let her because... I was hoping that you'd go with me."   
  
  
*   
  
Abby and Dave looked at each other, eyes round. Dave's hand was pressed at his heart, pretending to have a heart attack at what they had just heard.   
  
"He asked her out!"   
  
"I know that dufus, shut up!" whispered Abby as quietly as possible, not wanting to give away their hiding spot.   
  
"What did you say?" asked Dave louder than was necessary.   
  
"Shhh!!" said a furious Abby before clamping her hand down on Dave's mouth as he struggled to say something. Using her right hand, she pulled Dave's head under the table so that even if Deb noticed something she wouldn't have noticed without doing some extensive searching.   
  
*   
  
Deb looked over at Carter, a bewildered smile on her face. "Did you hear something? I could swear that I heard someone whispering."   
"So you think that there we are being spied on?" said Carter shaking his head in mock disbelief.   
  
"You never know-"   
  
"Deb I think you've been watching to many Mrs Bradley mysteries on your days off."   
  
"What?"   
  
"Never mind, and the offer still stands if you want to get out of this place..." said Carter, reminding her of his proposition. 'I don't expect her to say yes anyway. She must be doing something tonight with that Louie guy.'   
  
"Of course I will go with you. I don't have anything better to do." Deb said wistfully, but glad that Carter had asked her to go with him.   
  
"No preparations, you know, for the big day ahead?" asked Carter slowly, not wanting to touch the already sore subject, prodding only to make sure that she was not neglecting her home duties or her future husband.   
"I'm not really interested in how the wedding is being put together. Its on Sunday, yes, I know that is under two days away but I really couldn't care less," answered Deb in a rush. "Does that answer your questions?"   
  
Carter nodded quickly, standing up and throwing a few bills onto the table, quickly pulling Deb away before she could add her own money to the pile.   
  
"What did you do that for?" she asked indignantly.   
  
"Yes, well, its my turn to pay," said Carter quickly, leading her towards the door and past the table where Dave and Abby were hiding, completely oblivious to the fact that he was being watched. "I'm taking you out, its like... my duty."   
  
"I don't believe in that old fashioned rule," said Deb as they stepped out onto the street, the sound of peak hour traffic hitting them as soon as the door had opened, it's little bell jingling at the sound of two of its customers leaving.   
  
"Well I do."   
  
"John your a sap," said Deb playfully shaking her head in disgust, giving Carter a soft punch in the shoulder.   
  
"Am not."   
  
"Are too..."   
  
*   
  
"Where are they going?" asked Dave in confusion, finally getting the chance to stand up once Abby's hands had stopped pulling him down, "Ow!"   
  
Abby ignored Dave's cries of pain from hitting his head on the edge of the table and continued on her way out the door. "You coming Dave or what?"   
  
"Where are you going... Where are you going?" yelled Dave, as he tried to catch up to Abby without killing anyone in his path.   
  
"To the carnival down the road - are you coming or what?" asked Abby finally halting to a slower walk.   
  
"Yeah, yeah whatever. That is where Carter and Chen are headed, right?" said Dave trying to put the pieces of information he had received together as he rubbed the spot on his head that had come in contact with the hard plastic table.   
  
Abby rolled her eyes and reaching out, pulled Dave along faster as she ran, trying to catch up to where their friends were going without being too suspicious.   
  
*   
  
"Wow. Sure isn't a small carnival."   
  
"Nope," answered Carter. "What do you want to do first?"   
  
Deb looked around the field. It was almost dusk now, pink and orange beginning to appear in beautiful streams across the darkening sky. "The field looks good," she said, gesturing towards the mass of grass that had seemed to be forgotten by those running the carnival.   
  
"The field it is then," Carter answered with a smile before reaching for her hand and leading her gently. Deb smiled back and swung their hands between them in a friendly gesture.   
  
*   
  
"Is that them?"   
  
"Temporary blindness Mallucci?"   
  
"Nah, just didn't think Carter could get that kinky."   
  
"Trust me, he's kinky."   
  
"And how would you know?"   
  
"Thats for me to know and you to find out..."   
  
*   
  
"Its a nice night isn't it?" whispered John softly, pulling Deb closer so that she was facing him directly.   
  
"Mmm...." she whispered back coyly. "Very nice."   
  
Carter shook his head and looked down. "Maybe we shouldn't be doing this."   
  
Deb immediately looked up at his face which was illuminated by the colours of the sky and the lights that had been turned on from the carnivals rides and assortment of tents. People began to appear, walking around the tents, admiring what they saw. Rides moved into motion, squeals, screams and loud laughter was heard from where they were standing. The night carnival had begun and with it the smells of fried food and the scent of freshly mowed grass played with her senses. John leaned forwards and wrapped his hands around her small figure.   
  
Deb tensed as she felt his arms around her and her eyes popped open.   
  
"I'm sorry-"   
  
"No. It's okay," she whispered leaning forward. "You feel nice."   
"I do, huh?" asked Carter slowly, a pensive smile creeping onto his face as he lifted his head upwards to gaze at the stars   
  
"Yes, you do."   
  
Carter leaned back for a moment, savoring the wonderful feeling that had begun down in his toes. Creeped upwards like warm fingers of happiness, a rush of warm blood to his face, a strange shiver of de ja vu tingling at his spine and he instantly looked away. Pulling his arms from around the one he wanted most he did a quick search of the empty grassy grounds for something which he didn't know he was looking for.   
  
"John?'   
  
"Wait a second..." with a swift motion he bent down and picked a pretty daisy weed. It was a beautiful bright yellow, it's stem feeling fuzzy between his shaky fingers. It was then he realized the thin film of sweat that covered the palms to his hands. John quickly wiped his hands against his pants and finally looked up into Deb's questioning glance.   
  
"John-"   
  
"I, ah, know its stupid and dumb and something that I shouldn't do but..." he paused mid-sentence, shaking his head in the direction of where the weed had come from. Its ugly green leaves pointy and fuzzy looking just like the stem of the simple yellow flower yet so much different in other respects. He kneeled down on one knee and offered the flower up as though it was an expensive diamond ring, a hopeful expression covering his face as the last of the sun disappeared behind the field of tents   
  
"Will you be my best friend?"   
  
A large giggle exploded from Deb's mouth, washing away all lines of worry and seriousness that had appeared in just a few short minutes.   
  
Carter looked up as soon as he heard the giggling. Deb quickly tried to cover up her smiles and took the proud flower from between his fingers.   
  
"Yes John, I would love to be your best friend," and with that, she couldn't hold it anymore and her laughter continued. This time, Carter stood up and realizing the humor in the situation began to laugh too.   
  
"Seriously though," said Deb, a slightly pensive expression on her face as she looked down at the flower that was twirling and twisting slowly in her hand. "I always thought you were my best friend."   
  
"I guess this just makes it official," he whispered back as they began to walk around the field, not really paying much attention to the sights and sounds the carnival had projected into the field. Their eyes only for each other, what they both knew to be, possibly, their last moment they could spend together before it all became akward. Before another man would play a big part in Deb's life and take her away from John... Forever.   
*   
  
"What the hell dose he think he's doing?" asked Dave his voice thick with wonder.   
  
"I think he's proposing," whispered back Abby as they looked out from their hiding spot behind a large forgotten piece of rusty galvinated iron.   
  
"Proposing what?" yelled Dave as loud as Abby would let him.   
  
"Do I look like I know?" asked Abby, becoming frustrated with Dave's endless rhetorical questions. Her hands flew out and before both of them could duck for cover or at least protect themselves, the unstable piece of metal came crashing down on them with a large 'Whoosh!'   
  
*   
  
"Did you hear something?" asked Carter softly.   
  
"I don't know. Maybe," said Deb absentmindedly as she felt Carter lead her to where the carnival's gates were. She held back, unsure of weather or not she felt like having this nice feeling of just being disappear in the large crowds.   
  
"Come on, it'll be fun!" said Carter, his childlike enthusiasm rubbing off on her, his lower lip and eye brows pushed into an expression that he knew would get her eventually.   
  
"John-"   
  
"Please? You'll never know if you never go..."   
  
Deb opened her mouth in silent protest but found that she had nothing to say. "Fine," she sighed and this time let him pull her gently towards the crowds, the smells of popcorn and the playful screams becoming louder as they got closer to all the celebration.   
  
*   
  
"Abby."   
  
"What?"   
  
"*Abby*."   
  
"What do you want Dave?"   
  
"Can you get off me, I don't think I can breathe."   
  
"Oh. Sorry-"   
  
"Dave?"   
  
"Huh."   
  
"Can you quit the staring, please?"   
  
  
  
"Thank you," said Deb softly. Her hands felt sticky from the cotton candy and her hair was tousled from the rides that John had convinced her to go on. Pressed close to her chest was the medium sized, fluffy blue teddy bear that appropriately had a lab coat and tie on. "For... everything."   
  
"It was nothing. Just remember that we can do this anytime you want to, okay?" reminded John. His hands too were sticky and the balloon fish that Deb had won for him was sailing proudly off it's string. They had once again, arrived in front of Deb's apartment door. Another good-bye in front of them, the last one before Deb would be officially taken, marked and stamped as property of Louie Chi.   
  
"No, I don't think we can."   
  
Her words made his blood run cold. John had always thought that he would have someone to go out with, someone he could just be himself with. Deb's words seemed like he could never have what joy this night had brought him back. "Why not? Come on, Deb. Admit it- you had great fun."   
  
"It's not that," she said carefully, organizing in her mind what she should say next that would be appropriate for the occasion. Problem being that she had never been in this situation. "I don't know how he would react-"   
  
"To you having a man for a best friend?" filled in John, his head shaking in disbelief.   
  
"Well, that's one factor."   
  
"Deb, your just proving to me how much you don't know the guy."   
  
"I'm not proving anything," hissed back Deb, frustrated at where this conversation was going. "Look John, I don't know what you are trying to prove here but whatever it is I don't want to hear it. I don't want to know about it. I haven't had a night like this in months and I don't want it to end this way."   
  
Carter finally realized that what he was saying wouldn't do anything to change her mind. Her last words told him that this was the end, his last night to at least make an impression on her.   
  
"I'm sorry," he whispered. "I had fun too and it's a shame that we might not have another carnival to go to."   
  
Deb lowered her head again, this time sighing loudly, intending to say something. However, Carter beat her to it.   
  
"It doesn't matter. I just want to make sure that you know, know that I will always be there for you and if you feel like having some fun with me again that I am always available," said John quietly, his words like fine spiders web. The thin strands refusing to let go of her, sending chills down her spine and goose bumps along her arms.   
  
Deb thought for a moment and quickly dug around her handbag, looking almost desperately for the flower that he had given her in friendship.   
  
"I won't forget," Deb whispered, her voice caught in her throat with the unexpected tears that had begun to appear at the edge of her eyes, waiting for the right moment to fall.   
  
John knew that if he didn't leave right then, he never would and the complications that would arise... He didn't want to go there.   
  
Lifting his hands towards her face, he placed them on either cheek. His thumbs brush softly inwards, erasing the salty drops with a feather light touch. Deb's eyes, locked with his gaze and she saw the cloud of emotion that hung over his soul. Her heart gasped and skipped a beat, she couldn't look away and before she even realized that he had moved, John was halfway down the corridor without a single look in her direction. A numbness came over her and she found her self rooted to the cold, tiled floor. finally regaining her composure, she looked around and found that she still had the blue bear tucked tightly in the crook of her arm.   
  
~*~*~*~   
  
*Thanks once again to Lisa who beated this for me!


	9. Once Twice Three Times Part 9

**The beginning of this part was originally a standalone (just thought I should let you know that) and it's original title was "Seconds"** Poh Poh is the Chinese word for "grandmother". Thats what my mother told me and I am pretty sure thats what I called -my- grandmother when I was about five or six years old (I still do, I just never see her). It is pronounced as it is spelt. poh-poh.**

~*~*~*~

Part 9

Her hair was beautiful. Long and silky, a perfect shiny leather black. As she walked down the sidewalk, her long skirt accented her small figure and the light coating of make up on her face covered any blemishes while still looking natural. 

I was under a tree in Grant park, quite a few meters away, waiting under its shade. As she got closer, her lips gave out her special smile and a warm feeling swept over me like the rays of the sun on a cold winters day. It was good to know that she had been smiling at me, and nobody else. Deb was the only person that ever really smiled at me, with her eyes sparkling and cheeks a rosy red, showing how happy she really felt.

"Deb!" I called out, my voice somehow feeling strong and confident although my knees had gotten weaker and my arms felt like Jell-O. 

"I knew you would be waiting here. I'm so sorry that I took so long," her face held a sheepish look, as she brushed back a strand of the perfect black hair behind an ear and out of the way. 

"You were worth the wait." 

We stood before each other, neither one sure of what move we should make next. There was no tension, just awkwardness. Something I had encountered a lot lately. 

But in a second, what I thought would never happen to me in a million years, did. The sound of screeching brakes hit my ear, the smell of burning tires sneaking up my nose and bringing a batch of fresh, salty tears to my eyes. Glass shattered, hitting me in the face like a bucket of ice water and I was thrown back, the impact too much for my body to handle. 

I forced open my eyes. I found myself in a heap, my mind in a mush like hot cereal. Red is all I see, the colour of death and life. The smell of fresh petrol is what hits my senses next and I cringe, bile rising up in my throat. Finally getting up the strength to sit, a thought crowds my brain, terminating all other trains of thought for the moment. 

Deb.

It seems to take a long time for my mind to process it's messages into the correct order, but finally it is done and using the last ounce of energy I had left, I yelled with all my might. 

"Deb!" However, what came out of my mouth was a weak whisper, of no use to anyone. "Deb?" 

There she was. I could see her perfect face now covered in a multitude of bruises, lacerations were prominent on her arms, the abrasions dotting her skin and her bare leg, the dress torn past shreds was lined with angry marks. 

"Deb! Deb oh, God, Deb?" I say, crawling over as best as I could, not listening to the dull ache in my left shoulder, almost numbing my arm in an attempt to let me know that it had been dislocated from its correct position. 

I finally make it to where she is lying. I pull her into my lap, brushing the stray strands of the once perfect hair from out of her face and eyes. 

"Deb, say something please... just speak to me." And then, as though someone had been listening from above, my prayers were answered. Her eyes creeped open slowly, like an old door, a door to what emotions she was feeling inside. 

"John? What happened?" she whispered faintly, her face filled with confusion. 

"We were hit by a...a car, I think." I say to her, looking around at the small crowds that had gathered, no one wanting to go any closer. A man in a business suite was talking on his cell phone. "There will be paramedics on the way." 

"If something happens to me, or to you, I just want you to know something," she sat there leaning against me weakly, looking up at my face and I gently nod, waiting for her next words. 

"I love you..." 

******

His screams were what woke him up. Sweat poured down his forehead, the clear droplets glistening in the silver moonlight that streamed in from an open window. Rubbing his hands over a nights growth of beard, John tried desperately to get his breathing back to normal. Finally succeeding in his task, he swung his long legs to the side of the bed and watched as the moon seemed to swoop in and out from behind the Smokey white clouds like ghosts running to fight a secret battle of the skies. 

"It was just a dream," Carter whispered to himself, eyes still transfixed on the glowing object, "It was just a dream..." 

~*~*~*~

She couldn't get to sleep. The tiny wild flower was now pressed in the palm of her hand as she wrote in the diary that her grandmother had given her as child. 

It was quite heavy, made of a deep brown, strong smelling leather and thick handmade paper filled with pressed dried flowers and seeds that had been carefully inserted at just the right places. A bronze lock dangled from its place, a beautiful key with tiny intricate patterns carefully engraved along its edges. Deb was flipping through the first few pages, taking note of the date, then quickly skimming each one of its contents before moving on. She had started writing in it when she was sixteen, a time in her life that had been filled with great moments and laughter. A time when there was not a worry in the world. 

When she finally came to the next available page, Deb took out a fine black pen and, just pausing for a second, lifted her hand and began to write...

__

25th April, 2001

Dearest Poh poh, 

it's been so long since I have spoken to you that I don't even know where to begin. So much has happened in the past month, everything seems to be in crazy mode lately. 

John gave me a friendship flower today, or I suppose you could call it that. He took me out to a carnival and I have never had so much fun in my life. He is so beautiful, with such a kind heart. I wish you could meet him. 

Do you remember that afternoon on the back porch when you told me to "follow my heart... It knows the best course of action" and that "Happiness was the way"? I certainly remember it all, as clear as the blue sky on a hot summer's day. But I think that I have lost all you have told me, Poh poh, I think I have made a terrible mistake that I will can never be fixed... I know somewhere in my heart, that this is all wrong, that marrying Louie will never fix the heartache Mummy and Daddy or even I feel. It will just complicate things further and I can just picture it all in my mind playing out like a black and white movie that will never end...

It's strange. Sometimes I would miss him just after I had seen him for a whole day at work. Just a simple touch of his hand on my arm or back and a warm feeling like hot soup pouring down my throat will hit me... Now I will miss him more... I still remember that kiss I will never forget how his lips felt on mine...

Deb closed the book, a drop of salty water leaking from her left eye and hitting the page she had been writing on before she could shut it. Before the tears threatened to take over her emotional well-being, she quickly slipped the yellow flower that John had given her between pages and turned the key, locking away the few secrets that she had just written and hoped that no one would ever read them.

~*~*~*~

The couch seemed to be more comfy than my bed, it's soft, plush material rubbing against my raw skin as I flopped upon it, my legs dangling over the arm rest. The nightmare had left me with images that were not to be desired, although they were slowly fading away into a deeper part of my brain, a place where I would shove all the painful memories into a bottomless pit, hopefully never to recover them again. 

I could hear the less than quiet sounds of Dave getting up in the next room. He seemed to be doing something special in there. Maybe he was moving around the furniture. I glanced at the VCR clock and saw that it was only 3:55 in the morning. 'Bit early for moving furniture' I thought to myself. 

"Oh god, Dave I want *more*!" 

Thats when I figured out that he was doing a hell of a lot more than moving furniture. Quickly sneaking back into my room and pulling on a pair of jeans and a shirt, I decided to leave them to it, leaving the dark apartment with only a few dollars and my keys. 

~*~*~*~

Deb knocked quietly on the door to her guest room, the room where Abby had been staying for the past four days. No one answered. Not a sound was heard and she was beginning to get worried. She hadn't seen Abby since the last shift and that was hours ago. Inching the door open, Deb peaked around it to find the room empty, a lamp on the desk lighting the dark with a warm glow. The bed was made neatly and there were a few personal things on the bedside table. The window was open and she crossed the wooden floor to shut it. As she came closer to the desk, a small white piece of paper was lying open, a few short words scribbled on it in a hurried fashion. There was a small smudge of ink at the last word. Deb picked up the paper and read it out slowly. 

__

I went out. Don't wait up for me and I will be back by tomorrow morning. 

See ya later!

~Abby 

'Well that explains a lot.' Deb thought to herself before dropping the piece of paper back to its original position on the desk. She left the room, flipping of the light switch as she closed the door behind her. 

~*~*~*~

"Damn you Dave!" John yelled out into the depths of the night, deciding to vent his frustration and anger through his vocal chords. 

The sound echoed through the still air, the silence that followed almost deafening. The shadows seemed more pronounced then before, the light of a street lamp up ahead the only source of comfort, though a weak one. 

~*~*~*~

__

Never made it as a wise man

I couldn't cut it as

A poor man stealing

Tired of living like a blind man

I'm sick of sight without

A sense of feeling

And this is how you remind me

This is how you remind me

Of what I really am

This is how you remind me

Of what I really am

~*~*~*~

His feet barely made a sound on the cold, hard, menacing pavement. Scraps of long forgotten pieces of rubbish lay at the side of the curb, their faces begging to be picked up, to be given a place in this world. 

~*~*~*~

__

It's not like you to say sorry

I was waiting on a different story

This time I'm mistaken

For handing you

A heart worth breaking

And I've been wrong

I've been down

Into the bottom of every bottle

These five words in my head

Scream

Are we having fun yet?

~*~*~*~

Old, rusting bicycles lay on over grown weedy grass, the flat tires and once shiny handles telling a story of the past filled with great love and adventures through the parks and roads of the district, of chases and escapes from angry neighbors, laughter and teasing. 

~*~*~*~

__

It's not like you didn't know that

I said I love you and

I swear I still do

And it must have been so bad

'Cos living with him must have

Damn near killed you

~*~*~*~

Windows with its glass broken, the blinds falling apart and shredded in places that rendered it unrepairable, the stark blankness of nothing worth saving behind it giving the onlooker the impression that it was the face of a doll, once the giver of great joy, now its eyes poked out, the sockets staring blindly into the depths of your soul. 

~*~*~*~

__

And this is how you remind me

Of what I really am

This is how you remind me

Of what I really am

~*~*~*~

Door frames without so much as a hinge, gates with sharp, rusty metallic edges pointing up to the heavens, daring anyone to try and enter. 

Dogs barking shamelessly into the night, their masters yelling at them to shut up. 

~*~*~*~

__

It's not like you to say sorry

I was waiting on a different story

This time I'm mistaken

For handing you

A heart worth breaking

And I've been wrong

I've been down

Into the bottom of every bottle

These five words in my head

Scream

Are we having fun yet?

~*~*~*~

House after house, the sound of a baby's endless squalls as a mother tried to calm her young one, the silouhette of a husband and wife's bitter bickering in the pale light of a kitchen window, their voices carrying out into the street, a broken telephone booth, the hanging receiver transmitting the message of no one to listen. 

~*~*~*~

__

Never made it as a wise man

I couldn't cut it as

A poor man stealing

And this is how you remind me

This is how you remind me

~*~*~*~

Glass pieces from a bottle once enjoyed crunched under his leather shoes, the bright stars staring down at him like eyes into the future, with an endless entourage of questions, their gaze following his tireless trek through the hell of the night. 

Cats weaved their way across the road, the sound of rebel teenagers blasting rap music into the streets and he ran. Without a glance back into the terror he fled. 

~*~*~*~

__

It's not like you to say sorry

I was waiting on a different story

This time I'm mistaken

For handing you

A heart worth breaking

And I've been wrong

I've been down

Into the bottom of every bottle

These five words in my head

Scream

Are we having fun yet?

~*~*~*~

John didn't know he came to be among this neighborhood, but somehow fate had brought him there. To show him what, he had not a clue. 

All John knew was that he had to escape from it all, and fast.

~*~*~*~

'Fresh air is all I need' Deb whispered to herself as convincingly as possible as she made her way outside her apartment block. 

What she wasn't admitting to herself was the fact that she felt lonely, self conscience and all alone. The companionship that Abby provided had left her wanting more, and she almost suggested that she move in. She had the space. 

'I won't be in those rooms for very much longer,' Deb reminded herself, 'You'll be staying at the lavish headquarters of Louies castle by the end of the week.' Even the thought of the honeymoon and what he would expect of her when the time came made her woozy. 'As long as I can keep Carter as a friend, as long as we don't take it any further-' 

She had been thinking so hard, her face down, staring with concentration at the cold, damp pavement beneath her feet that she didn't look up in time to see that she had bumped into someone. Someone she held close to heart and soul... 

~*~*~*~

"I'm sorry-"

"Deb, what are you doing here?" John asked softly, his eyes drinking in her appearance like a cup of coffee during the graveyard shift. 

"Nothing, I just- what are you doing here?" she whispered back, trying to avoid his gaze and change the subject all in one while nervously tucking back a piece of hair behind her ear. 

"Dave was a little busy, so I decided o leave him alone for a little while." 

"Figures. Abby's out somewhere too." 

"Got a suggestion as to their whereabouts?" asked Carter suggestively, a playful smile tugging at the corners of his mouth as he continued to take note of her mannerisms and the way she seemed to be looking around nervously, as though she was waiting for Louie to come up behind her.

"Not a clue," she whispered, shaking her head softly. "You should come up, have some coffee or something." 

Carter looked away, his eyes falling on a lone tree across the street, its branches bent and old, the leaves hung loosely like pieces of roughly cut up paper. He considered the proposition for a second and finally said, "Yeah. Yeah, that would be nice." 

Deb nodded and reached for his arm to lead him inside.

~*~*~*~

"So, where are you going to live, after ahhh..."

"In his home. Or mantion, I should say," Deb replied as she carried the two mugs of hot, steaming coffee to the couch where John was seated comfortably. He noted how most of the things in the apartment had not been packed up and found it odd.

"Haven't started the big move yet?"

"My mother has already arranged for some people to come while the wedding reception is on," Deb answered mechanically, taking a sip of the black liquid. 

Carter raised his eyebrows yet didn't utter a sound.

"Okay, so I think its going to be hard to leave everything... I know I'm going to miss everything. Especially having a place all to myself."

"Would you miss me?" asked John quietly. Deb attempted to reach his gaze, but his emotions had been locked away in a solid box and his eyes held no answers. She had been side glancing at him all night long and had hoped that he wouldn't notice how his stares had effected her each time she felt his chocolate brown eyes focused on a part of her anatomy. 

"Of course I'd miss you," she said giving him a huge grin. However, the huge grin seemed to fade into tears and it all came in a gigantic rush. Tears, words and sobs all rushed out and he leaned over and pressing his body into hers, pulled Deb into a close hug.

"I don't know what I'm going to do John. It's going to be so hard and I don't know if I'll ever learn to love him like I should, I don't know what I'm going to do, I don't know why I did it all in the first place. I don't love him like that John- I don't! What am I going to do about the mess I'm in. I can't call it off... I shouldn't have agreed to it but my father had already received the money and the deal had been made. Oh God, how could I have been so, so damn *stupid*!?!"

He waited till she had calmed down, until he felt her taut muscles relax and he rubbed her back slowly and methodically until her labored breathing had returned to a normal level before he spoke, clearly and concisely. He spoke with a strange air of confidence and that seemed to give her that extra push, to do what had been on her mind all evening...

"You know what you're going to do?"

She shook her head.

"You're going to get up tomorrow, go to your mothers house and get all dolled up in your pretty dress. You're going to have your make up and hair all done perfectly, and your car will be on time. You'll arrive at the church, you'll have the ceremony and if you go through with it, you go through with it. If you don't, because you can't, or won't I just want you to know to know one thing." 

Deb looked up expectantly and rubbed away as much moisture form her eyes as possible. 

"That I love you and I will always be here for you whenever you need me." 

Deb leaned over, her lips firmly pressed into his, her hands grazing the long wayward strands of hair and the soft skin of his cheek. His tongue pushed forwards and in a few short seconds he was tasting the inside of her mouth where just minutes before strong, sweet coffee had passed through. John's eyes closed, letting his hands and mouth do all the work as Deb took him to a wonderful land of fantasy and things were forgotten. Next were the clothes, taken off in a frenzy, strewn all over the room in haste. It wasn't known how they had made it to her bedroom, but in the heat of the moment, all was lost and a friendship taken to a higher level. 

A level that they would never really be able to step down from properly.

~*~*~*~


	10. Once Twice Three Times part 10

Part 10  
  
The room was bathed in a deep, silvery darkness. Blinds had been left untouched, the skies pouring their hearts out and dumping all their worries onto the small Chicago suburb. A window was open, the curtain just another toy that the wind would play with unmercifully.  
  
John awoke, his thoughts disorientated and his exact location unknown, until his sleep filled eyes descended on the form sleeping beside him. Her hair was carelessly tossed upon the pillow, her face snug deeply into the soft folds, the picture of innocence.  
  
He took a moment to savour the sight, wishing at that moment that he had a camera to capture the moment. The small sigh that escaped her beautifully red lips reminded him of all that happened during the night. Flashes of scenes filled with hot passion and a longing for something more played back and forth behind his weary eyes and suddenly, he wasn't very tired anymore.  
  
It wasn't usually his style to have a one night stand and then to just leave the other participant all alone without so much as an explanation, but there was no time for that. Slipping quietly from beneath the soft, cotton sheets, the intent not to awaken his sleeping beauty he slipped on his clothes and shoes. With one lingering look in her direction, the pain and wistfulness embedded into his gaze, he tore his tingling body from her room and through the open door of her apartment.  
  
The hallway was dimly lit and strangely silent as he hurried towards the elevator. Quickly punching the button that would lead him to the lower floor, he peaked between the closing, metal doors for even a glimpse of the apartment where most of the night's activities had taken place, but it was too late. The elevator had already begun its slow decent.  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
"What are you doing here?" A voice behind him questioned menacingly, a hand reached out and dragged him forward, forcing him painfully to face his victim.  
  
"It's none of your business," Carter answered rationally and calmly, reminding himself not to irritate the man further. Finally able to take a good look at the attacker, he felt a tug at his heart, as though they had met previously. The man's distinct Chinese features were hidden by the darkness of night and the light drizzling of rain that had never seemed to cease.  
  
"Well, I make it a business to know all men my fiancé come into contact with," he said coldheartedly.  
  
It then dawned on Carter that this was the man that had stolen Deb's heart, life and happiness. The man that she had promised to give up everything she had for. The man she would be forced to marry. John's silence was a sign of his surprisement, and how unprepared he was for such an answer. Remembering where he was and who he was talking to, he quickly came up with a question to know more about the man he was facing.  
  
"What are you doing here, hiding in the dark like an animal?"  
  
"Waiting," Louie answered calmly, a smirk forming on his face.  
  
Carter patiently waited for him to elaborate, but Louie's next answer was made by words of any sought. His right hand lifted and pushing in the direction of his face, connected solidly with John's cheek bone. Stumbling backwards, Carter held onto a garbage bin for dear life, as Louie began to descend on him once more, the pain radiating through his brain as each blow was given.  
  
"You... stinking... son of a bitch!! A committed woman too!. What the hell... were you planing... on doing to us?"  
  
"I didn't do anything!" protested Carter weakly, taking every blow without so much as a peep back, "She doesn't love you!"  
  
Louie stopped, his arm placed ready to pounce. He thought about what he had just peen told, but it was to no avail.  
  
"How would you know?" he snarled evilly.  
  
John, taking advantage of his small window of fortune, took some time to straighten himself and feel for any signs of broken bones. There was no harm, not even a bloody nose. Besides a few bruises, he was virtually untouched.  
  
"How can you be so sure that she loves you?" threw back John, bracing himself for another blow. None came.  
  
"She has to love me, she said so herself. I know Jing-Mei loves me, I know."  
  
That said, he flew up the stair and retreated into the building leaving a very broken and hurt man behind. From his coat pocket, a rectangular business card decorated in plain black floated down lightly and landed in front of his feet, a message screaming from its off-white exterior. Picking up the card, John's eyes quickly flew over the perfectly printed letters before stuffing it into the deepest corner of his pocket, hoping to forget what he had just heard.  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
The soft knocking on the door gave way to a much denser banging. Feeling for the warm body that she remembered being beside her only hours before, Deb discovered instead a tangle of cold sheets and a flattened pillow the only proof that John had slept there. With a wistful sigh, Deb pulled herself away from the comforts of her bed and quickly tied a light, cotton robe around waist before making the short journey through her dark apartment.  
  
"Which sales man in hell would be stupid enough to come knocking on my door at..." she peaked at the microwave muttering, rubbing away the sleepiness form her eyelids, "5:45?"  
  
Reaching out to open the latch on her front door, Deb instantly stepped back as she saw who was standing at the other side.  
  
Wordlessly she unlocked the metal door and held it open as he pushed past.  
  
"Coffee?" she offered coldly out of politeness more than a genuine wanting to give.  
  
Louie shook his head dismissively and invited himself to sit down on the comfy looking couch. Deb walked sluggishly towards the coffee maker and expertly set it going. Dragging out a mug from a draw above the busy machine, she finally turned to face him, arms crossed against her chest and her tired body leaning against an empty, white wall.  
  
"What are you doing here, Louie?"  
  
"Can't I visit my soon to be wife?" he replied stoically, his eyes virtually peeling her like a mandarin as she stood there.  
  
Deb didn't answer. Instead she began to fill her cup with the rich, black liquid that she hoped would clear her clouded head.  
  
"I saw him out there," he paused dramatically, shaking his head slightly as he glanced around her apartment. "He really thought he had a chance with you. Tried to talk me out of it he did... said you didn't love me. Is it true, Jing-Mei? Is that son of a bitch telling me God's honest truth?" Louie looked up the hurt in his eyes showing his true feelings on the matter.  
  
"No, Louie. It wasn't the truth," she said looking down in her mug as she added a liberal amount of milk.  
  
"Look at me." when Deb failed to do this he rose from his position on the sofa and once again demanded, "*Look* at me!"  
  
This time Deb complied, her chocolate brown eyes reaching into his sole, feeding his dire need for reassurance. "I do love you, and we will get married tomorrow afternoon."  
  
A small smile peaked at the corners of his lips. However it was short lived as the serious expression returned and a few worry lines appeared on the otherwise smooth forehead. "Who was he Jing-Mei? Who was he?"  
  
"Just a friend." she replied lightly, wishing that he would drop the subject as quickly as he had brought it up.  
  
"He didn't look like just a friend to me," he stated non-committedly. "But I still want to know who he is."  
  
"His name is John and we work together. Dose that satisfy your question?"  
  
"No. I want to know what he was doing here. If you two were doing a lot more than talking, I understand Jing-Mei, I do. I just need to-"  
  
"We weren't doing anything Louie so you can get that thought right out of your head!" demanded Deb, putting her mug down furiously as she lied to both herself and him. "Now are you going to let me get a few more hours of sleep or not?"  
  
Taking this as his que to leave, Louie nodded, keeping his eyes averted, gave Deb a quick peck on the cheek before walking out of the door with a strange expression on his face. Without the time or energy to decipher it properly, Deb once again resumed sipping her coffee as she sat down at the kitchen table.  
  
There would be no more sleep for her that night.  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
"Jing-Mei?" Abby called out into the empty apartment. The curtains had been pulled back, the early morning light warming up the room with a light show of reds, oranges and bright yellows.  
  
"Morning. Nice of you to show up," Deb mumbled softly.  
  
Abby turned her gaze form the kitchen onto the couch to find Deb siting there in her night clothes, the coffee mug now replaced by a glass of wine and an empty look was on her face. "You're not drunk are you?"  
  
"I'm not drunk, Abby. Where did you go to last night?"  
  
Thoughts of last nights activities flashed through her minds eye and a soft blush took over her pale appearance. "I was, ah, over at Dave's- or John's apartment, actually."  
  
"Have fun?" Deb asked dryly.  
  
"Yeah..."  
  
"Glad one of us was having a good time."  
  
"What are you saying?" demanded Abby, "What happened here, Jing-Mei?" when no answer was forth coming, she demanded once again, "Don't you have a wedding to go to?"  
  
Deb winced.  
  
"Come on! Up, up! I want to see your ass out of here and where it's meant to be in the next few minuets- you got me?"  
  
The corners of her mouth twisted into a happy, though pensive smile and with her right hand sarcastically saluted, "Yes Sargent Lockheart, sir," before quickly disappearing into the confines of her small but tidy bathroom.  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
"Carter!" when the young man didn't respond, he yelled once more, waving the daily paper which he had just retrieved from the letter box frantically in an attempt to get John's attention, "*Carter!!*"  
  
He turned, looked up at the man who had called out his name and an expression that yelled confusion screamed out from his features.  
  
"Carter are you okay? What are you doing in the neighbourhood?" Mark asked, the curiosity getting the better of him.  
  
John shrugged his shoulders and changed the subject, "Anything good in the paper?"  
  
"I haven't read it yet," Mark answered with a smile. "Why don't you come inside, Elizabeth and Ella are still asleep but I'd really enjoy the company."  
  
With a small nod, Carter followed his mentor into the house, closing the gate on his way in.  
  
  
  
"Some place you've got here," commented Carter as his eyes swept around the rooms.  
  
The room was warm, though not overly so. A plush rug was in the centre, a comfy looking couch just behind it. The focus of the room was the fireplace, where a couple of logs were glowing with fire as the flames licked upwards, providing warmth and comfort to the entire first floor.  
  
"I like to think so. It took me a couple of weeks of secret house-hunting before I found it," said Mark proudly as gestured towards the couch for Carter to sit down while he grabbed two mugs of coffee from the kitchen, "Wasn't easy to lie."  
  
"I'll bet," he replied gazing out through the window and up into space.  
  
"So Carter," Mark handed Carter a blue mug and sat down himself with a green one. "What's on your mind?"  
  
"Nothing."  
  
"Okay." Mark took a sip and glanced over at Carter to gauge a reaction.  
  
"You're not even going to ask?" asked Carter, greatly surprised that Mark hadn't squeeze it out of him like everyone else was trying to do and had not succeeded.  
  
"Well. I figured that you couldn't keep your little secret forever and I don't think you would have come inside here for nothing," he answered logically.  
  
"It's big."  
  
"I can guess. Deb's involved too?" Mark said, already knowing the answer.  
  
"Yep." Carter chugging a gulp of as much caffeine that he could swallow, "She's getting married."  
  
"To you?"  
  
"I wish."  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
"Jing-Mei!"  
  
"Yes Mummy?"  
  
"Are you paying attention?"  
  
"I am, I'm just thinking."  
  
"You think too much," Mrs Chen answered with a smile. "You should be happy, smiling- it's *your* wedding day!"  
  
The room was huge, a queen sized bed and a large built in wardrobe were the main focus of the room. On the bed was Deb. A long white dress, sleeveless with thin straps, decorated with hand beaded flowers. Behind her sat her mother, brush, fresh flowers and hairspray in hand ready to attack her hair and somehow make it look fabulous.  
  
"Such beautiful hair," her mother said, shaking her head painfully, "Thank God you haven't cut it for while."  
  
A while was more like a year. It had grown out of shoulder length and had grown wildly, almost down to her elbows.  
  
Deb sighed and started playing with her fingers. Louie had wanted to write down personal vows but that was something she couldn't do and put up all the arguments she could think of to insure that it didn't happen. To Louie she could lie, easily but to a whole room filled with three thousand or so relatives and soon to be in-laws was near impossible.  
  
Especially since she had secretly decided to divorce exactly one year after they had been married. It was the only way she could free herself. Perhaps John would have forgiven her by then. She could sneak off at night, send over the divorce papers in the mail then move over to the other side of Chicago or.not.  
  
This was not a game. She reminded herself, even if it felt like one. No. This was nothing to play around with and with those as her last thoughts Deb surrendered herself to her mother's careful hands and the soft sweeping of the brush against her hair.  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
"That's one hell of a secret you got there Carter," Mark said slowly, savouring the words that he had just heard, running though the catalogues of information stored up in his brain for a good answer. He couldn't find one.  
  
"Yeah, well, its not exactly something I want to shout from the roof tops," he whispered sadly.  
  
"I don't know what to say,"  
  
"I don't blame you," Carter replied, glancing at the clock that stood proudly on the mantle piece.  
  
It was then that Ella had decided to wake up the world, her cries winding their way down to the second floor. John stood up and handed Mark his now empty mug.  
  
"I really should be going," he said, stretching lightly.  
  
"You sure you don't want to stay for breakfast? Elizabeth wouldn't mind at all."  
  
Carter nodded he head slightly, walking towards the front door. "I think I should get going. Thanks for the coffee though, it was great to have someone to talk to."  
  
"Anytime Carter, anytime," Mark called out, watching as the younger man walked out through the gate and into the street, his left hand bidding farewell as he left behind the neighbourhood from which he once fled.  
  
"Mark?" asked Elizabeth as she looked up sleepily from the infant sucking at his breakfast. "Who were you taking to?"  
  
Mark walked over and kneeled beside the rocking chair on which she sat, gazing down at Ella. He reached over and stroked her thin red curls gently, the smile that every father has stretching across his face. "Oh, you know, Carter."  
  
"What was he doing here at this time of the morning?" Elizabeth asked worriedly.  
  
"He had some pretty big things on his mind, walked past our place almost without knowing where he was,"  
  
"Are you going to tell me what's so big or was it 'Guy Stuff'?"  
  
"Sorry Elizabeth," he answered simply, leaning forward for a good morning kiss.  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
"All set?"  
  
"All set." Deb confirmed confidently, feeling as though she was trying to convince herself instead of her mother's conscience, "I'm going to miss this."  
  
Her mother turned round, eyebrows raised hands still working on perfecting the flower arrangement in the hall as they waited for the limmo. "Miss what?"  
  
"I don't know." Deb sighed, "Being single, living alone. You know, this is like a huge decision. Sometimes I feel like. doesn't matter," she said distractedly.  
  
"Well, I'm glad you see your sense of responsibility to the family. You have you father very happy these past few weeks, and my how did your Aunt Lee glow when she heard her only niece was getting married!" her mother practically squealed, "Oh look! Its actually on time," The Limmo had arrived, leaving Deb to wait in the hall alone as her mother hurried out into the misty raindrops.  
  
"I feel like I've just sold me soul to the devil."  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
"Where is Joey?" Louie yelled, his longish hair flying everywhere as he walked around the reception area.  
  
"We are looking for him sir-"  
  
"Why aren't the flowers out yet? The tables are too plain!"  
  
"We're working on it, Sir you sure you." pleaded the tiny man who was probably twice his height in width. Deciding that him asking the questions would not be what his customer wanted he clamped him mouth shut.  
  
"What?!" Louie burst out stopping suddenly in front of the band that was turning up on the stage, causing an almost domino effect. Louie extracted himself from two short arms and settled the man back onto his feet. Almost kindly he asked again, "What is it you want, Pedro?"  
  
"Shouldn't you. ahhh." his short term memory managing to appear again and he scratched his head, honestly forgetting what he meant to say.  
  
Louie shook his head. 'At least I know he can throw party worth the money spent when the time comes,' he reminded himself for the tenth time that morning.  
  
"Where the *hell* is Joey!?!" Louie bellowed again.  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
Deb sat in the limozine, her mother by her side looking out through the tinted windows. House after house, tree after tree rushed past, barely distinguished from the next. It was almost hypnotizing and after a few minuets of staring at the mess of greens, browns and pastel colours, mainly belonging to the houses Deb began to feel relaxed, almost sleepy despite the growing twist in her stomach that reminded her of what was to come within the next few hours.  
  
"Mommy."  
  
"Yes dear."  
  
"I just want to know that, no matter how things turn out today or- or even in the future." she paused. Her mothered looked up at her expectantly, waiting patiently for what her daughter was about to say next.  
  
"That I will always love you and papa," she said her voice low as though she expected someone else to be listening in on the conversation.  
  
"I know," her mother answered with a smile. Mrs Chen placed her slightly wrinkled hands upon Deb's smooth ones, a gesture of affection and understanding. "I know."  
  
They reached the church within minuets. People were still entering, lavish outfits and wild, dressy hats for the ladies and a prim, handsome tux for those who were male. The ring bearers, one for each gold band chased the flower girls who in turn were chased and then scolded by the bridesmaid. There was to be no maid of honour, as Deb had announced that she didn't want to 'hurt any feelings' and that 'each and every one of them were her best friends.'  
  
"Yeah, right," Deb whispered to herself, thinking about the day she had announced it to be so. In fact, she barely knew anyone she could consider to be a maid of honour and those who she could choose, well, her family wouldn't deem them appropriate. Sigh. 'It's a tough and hardy job to keep up with a family like mine,' she thought privately to herself as the car came to a halt directly in front of the church. 'I hope that someday it will all be worth it.'  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
The apartment was silent, dark. Blinds were pulled down neatly, warding away the morning sun. Plates stacked in the sink, washed and ready for use. The bathroom door closed and John didn't bother trying to open it. Dave's door was closed, a pile of clothes heaped in front of it. Women's as well as men's clothing, Carter choose to notice. The television was on, black and white dots dancing on the screen, showing that there was no reception at this station and that they were free to come out and play.  
  
He turned the television set off and placed the remote controls where they should be, on the coffee table. Then he just stood there, for a minuet or too not quite knowing what to do next.  
  
The apartment was tidy, nothing to do there. He supposed that he could go in to the E.R and blow off his day off or, option number two.  
  
There was no option number two. Deb, seemingly he knew, could not be in the picture. John knew that today would be the last day that she would be a free woman. Free to date and do as she pleased. After today she would be taken, not his and no one else's except for the son of a bitch. John seethed.  
  
There was nothing he could do about it. Not if it was as she had wished, what she wanted and what she had chosen. It was her life and her decision if she wanted to go ahead and fuck it up.  
  
At hearing the turn of a door nob, Carter turned to see Dave poke his head out, hair in bad need of a brush and eyes heavy with more than just sleep.  
  
"Oh hey Carter man,"  
  
"Morning!" Carter chirped sarcastically. Dave looked him over, taking in his rumpled clothes, the bags under his eyes and the blackish bruise that was beginning to appear of his cheek.  
  
"It's not like what it seems- I."  
  
"And just what is it meant to seem like Dave?"  
  
"Uh-"  
  
"I rest my case. You can go back to sleep Dave, I'm not about to ruin your day too."  
  
Dave's eyebrows furrowed for a moment as he thought about what could possibly go wrong before a day even began. Before he could go to the trouble of trying to remember everything that Carter had told him the day before, Carter beat him to it.  
  
"Deb, you know, tying the knot.?"  
  
"Oh... *oh*!" Dave said, the realization dawning on his stubble filled face that didn't look much better than the one he was talking to, "I'm really sorry man-"  
  
John waved him off, walking towards the kitchen and away from Dave's door. "It's not your fault. You just go on and have a good time with. whoever it is."  
  
Dave reached forward before Carter could get any further. Giving him a friendly slap on the arm with a 'I knew I could count on you smile', "Thanks man. I owe you!" With that, he popped back into his bedroom and it wasn't until two minuets later that Carter distinctly heard a familiar female voice ask,  
  
"Dave, who was that?!"  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
The ancient building towered over her, it's menacing towers piercing the clouds that hung low from the sky, so dark that it looked like was about to burst at any given moment. She was ushered quickly into hat looked like the priests preparation room, without the priest in it. Her mother led her to the chair in the corner and sat beside her on the short coffee table. Deb tried to look out through the doors at what was happening outside. She could hear voices, talking in various languages of Asian culture mixed in with a few garbs of English.  
  
"Sit still!" her mother commanded, placing a hand firmly onto her shoulder, "I would think that it was your first time in a church the way you keep fidgeting and looking about. You must stay calm, relaxed, this is your special day. You're not to lift a finger."  
  
"Easy for you to say," Deb muttered under her breath. She was itching to rub away the sleep on her eyes, but knew it would just ruin her make-up and agitate the older woman beside her.  
  
Mrs Chen ignored her daughter's comment and kept her mouth shut.  
  
They waited.  
  
Deb was becoming even more nervous after each second that passed. She went quickly over vows, knowing that she didn't really need to with a memory like hers that it would never be forgotten. Her hands were folded neatly in her lap in an effort to stop them from doing things that would only cause trouble.  
  
"Jing-Mei?"  
  
Deb looked up, surprised at the gentleness and motherly feeling that was etched into her mother's voice. Suddenly she remembered a time where her mother would read to her picture books filled with the most wonderful pictures. Her mother's voice changing its tones and rhythm according to the words in front of her.  
  
"Jing-Mei!"  
  
"Yes Mummy?"  
  
"Are you even paying attention?"  
  
"Ahhh."  
  
Mrs Chen nodded her head knowingly, the smile on her face showing that she thought she knew it all and with a tired but contented sigh she turned to stare out of the window at the trees passing by, the smile not leaving her face for a second but growing more pensive at each passing second.  
  
"Calling the bride! Come here Darling and kiss your papa on the cheek!" a handsome Asian man, the lines on his face that not only seemed to prove age but also enhance his good looks stepped out from the doorway. Deb immediately rose to greet him and a lone tear fell from her cheek and it took more than a little effort to halt the others that were ready to hence forth and ruin her make-up. "Ay! Must not have tears on such a happy day- mustn't we?" a hanky was quickly found, tear blotted and the careful cosmetic work saved.  
  
It was then, before any more conversation could begin, that the priest knocked lightly on the door before opening it a little and coming into the room.  
  
'This is it.' thought Deb to herself,  
  
"Well now! Are we ready to get married?"  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
A pen, a piece of gum rapping and a penny dawned one pocket. Bits of lint flew out as he checked for another perhaps forgotten penny. Nope there was none. Reaching down into his right pocket out came a dollar, "At least that's something useful," a broken pencil, a sandwich wrapper which he looked at in disgust before throwing into the bin nearby and a card. Simple, white cardboard in a rectangular shape one side printed on in black- a business card! Looking closer, the feeling that his curiosity was getting the better of him, John read the words carefully:  
  
Father John Byers Our Lady of the Rosary catholic church Church street, Chicago. Illinois Christenings - Marriages - Funerals - Last Rites  
  
It took more than a minuet to sink in the importance of the information- and what could be done with it. Assuming that it was Father John Byers that would be performing the wedding ceremony, the things he could do to perhaps postpone the.  
  
No. He couldn't dream of doing that to Deb.  
  
"Can't stand here debating the idea forever though, times a wasting!" Carter turned, almost crashing into his roomy.  
  
"Dave, what the-"  
  
"Dude! That's the church, right?" at Caters affirmative he went on, "What the hell are you waiting for- get your ass down there buddy. It ain't matter weather you intend on busting the joint; for as long as you know that she truly wanted to marry Louie you'll be fine."  
  
Carter, seemingly needing another male counterpart to voice his fears nodded viscously in agreement and, without a word grabbed his coat before racing out the door.  
  
"Atta boy!"  
  
"Dave!- Is it safe now?" a whisper came out from the bedroom door way.  
  
"Yeah. He went off after his love. shoulda seen the look on his face so serious he could have convinced the chief anything."  
  
"Don't talk about your boss like that!"  
  
"She's not here to hear me."  
  
Suddenly the phone rang, once, before the answering machine picked up, "Dave?" came out the familiar nasal voice in its usual barking form, "Your going to be late for work so you better get your chops down here on the double!"  
  
Abby and Dave stared at the machine, their movements halted as the realization of who it was that was talking seeped in.  
  
"What the-?"  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
The cab stopped in front of the church, the tires screeching in protest at the slipperiness of the roads and the speed it which it was travelling in. Carter leapt out from within the car as though he couldn't get away fast enough, throwing a wad of bills at the driver who had certainly found his lucky day.  
  
On the way to the church, John had been pondering over what exactly he was going to say once he got there- or even what the hell he was going to do there. Running into the church speechless, head turning as though he was a wild animal wasn't exactly what he had in mind and within minuets could have him hauled out of there like some bum on the street seeking shelter from the rain.  
  
Looking round wildly, eyes lashing every bit like the desperate man he was, Carter took a step forward than another towards the side of the church which was sheltered and held a well-kept pathway empty of weeds and filled with luscious green bushes.  
  
It was then he reached the side entrance to the church. The altar and the priest in front of it still hidden from view but the bride and groom for all to see. Luckily, Deb was on his side of the church and he watched for several minuets as she listened attentively to what the Father was saying. Louie looked down at their entwined fingers before seeking Debs eyes and smiling his cheese grin. From the arrogant look of 'hey! She's all *mine*' that was seeming to spread as thick as the butter on his toast that morning; Carter could tell that Deb had smiled back.  
  
Tears of her mother could be seen, an accompanying sob of happiness mingled with a touch of loss escaping every now and then. Beautiful pink and white blossoms decorated the church, a pale cream ribbon entwined around them and most of the church. Although it was a wet and murky afternoon, what little light there was seeped in through the windows making it look more like an evening service rather than the early morning one it was. Candles were used to add extra light and the warmth they gave from within their glow made what was already a stunning church even more special. Pews were filled with relatives, a nannies whisper could be heard every now and then from the back of the church as they comforted or scolded an unruly child.  
  
John took a step forward, not advancing very much further into the church, but closer towards the beautiful porcelain holy water dish, the face of the Virgin Mary looked down upon him and out of habit dipped the tips of his right hand into the water and made the sign of the cross.  
  
Deb sighed. She knew Louie loved her, perhaps a little *too* much. She wondered if she could live with feeling suffocated for the rest of her life. about the vows she was about to make. relatives watching; her mother and father and feeling dizzy, Deb looked towards where she knew a fresh rain-scented breeze would be coming from.  
  
The side doors.  
  
It had almost been a surprise, but after a few moments the initial shock had worn off and all that was left was guilt. Guilt that she was betraying the man beside her, the people behind her and in a sense the man that hid in the shadows, his gaze peeking from underneath the overhang arrangement of flowers and ribbons.  
  
"Ahem." The priest kindly cleared his throat to make sure that he had the participants in this marriage ceremony attentive and listening- facing forward which was one this the bride seemed to forget about.  
  
Deb quickly realized where she was and turning towards the Father who was, at that moment about to start what was for many, the most important part of a wedding that life was short. That tomorrow, anything could happen.  
  
Hell maybe she'd step off the curb and get hit by a bus filled with Jamaican singers and die because of extensive internal damage.  
  
What if she's chained to Louie by a few children whom she only had to please her husband and give some purpose to her miserable existence?  
  
Maybe she'd finally fall in love with him, but every now and then remember what could have happened if she had just gotten up the guts to.  
  
By the time Deb glanced back at the overhang, John had left the church grounds.  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
It was foolish, turning up at the church like that. Deb had not given him more than a cursory glance- bit surprised but if she was more than, she didn't show it. Walking briskly through the light mist of rain, John turned a corner and feeling too tired to go any further, the loss and the acceptance of it all was like a load of lead on his shoulders. A burden to carry.  
  
Perhaps for a long time unless he found someone to fill the void, sigh.  
  
Sometimes he just wished he was nobody as there would be nothing to care about and no one to care for him.  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
Once again the priest looked down at Deb, brows furrowed as he 'Ahemed!' a second time to gain her attention, although it seemed sparse.  
  
"Do you, Jing-Mei Deborah Chen take thee, Hon Loi Han to be your lawfully wedded husband?"  
  
Silence reigned the church and nothing seemed louder and the minute stretched onwards. People began to lean forward afraid that they would miss something, a whisper perhaps. Louie squeezed her hand in comfort, a gentile smile which seemed to come out all wrong on his oval-shaped face.  
  
The courage welled up inside her and the shame of lying to herself and others made her angry. Not at her parents, or Louie or John for that matter. But angry at herself for letting all of this happen without truly consenting with herself. Her soul.  
  
"No." she whispered, her voice barely recognisable as a soft sob escaped and then a giggle of laughter.  
  
The crowd seemed to lean forward like a wave, each and every ear straining to hear what the bride had to say.  
  
"Beg your pardon?" asked the Father gently. It seemed as though he too was leaning towards her, hanging onto her every word.  
  
"I."  
  
Louie seemed to squeeze harder which only seemed to serve the purpose of reminding her how overprotective and possessive of her he could be sometimes.  
  
"I got to go somewhere," was her final answer as she wrenched her arm from her supposed-to-be-husband-in-another-5 minuets and dashed out through the side door.  
  
No one knew where she was going and those interested in the crowd all jumped up and, walking as calmly and with as much dignity as they could in their fancy heels watched as they saw a white dress and veil bob into the distance.  
  
"What the hell is going on here?!" yelled Louie.  
  
*** "I -knew- I wore these tennis shoes for a reason other than to be comfortable!" Deb whispered happily as she rushed passed the church grounds and taking a wild guess before venturing off to the right.  
  
"John- Wait up!"  
  
****  
  
He turned round, shaking his head in disbelief at how far his mind would go, far enough to make him think that someone with a voice that sounded exactly like the person he was most trying to forget yet not succeeding in the least was calling his name. Though he turned anyway, just to be sure as no one could every really be sure as to.  
  
"Deb.?"  
  
John stood there shell shocked, eye brows eschewed in a troubled stance as he tried his hardest to contemplate what seemed to be Deb, over dressed in an admittedly beautiful wedding dress running towards him as fast as she could in. tennis shoes?  
  
"What are you- I mean, don't you- do," he took a deep breath, looked towards his shoes for confidence before starting again, "Don't you have somewhere to be?"  
  
"Not anymore," she whispered back breathlessly, "Do you mind if we sit down? This dress is a bitch to be in."  
  
John nodded quickly and helped her over towards a bench seamlessly hidden by an over hang of climbing plants. The rain had slowed to a drizzle, the fairy lights in the garden of the church were on making the place look even more magical than one could ever think possible.  
  
"I don't know John,"  
  
He waited patiently for her to continue,  
  
"I just guess that, well, Louie isn't the one for me, you know? Standing up at that altar and being faced to live a lie even for my family just wasn't right and, and."  
  
"Shhh slow down!" he whispered soothingly. Digging into his pockets he trumped up a rumpled but clean looking hanky, "I guess you know now why I gave up surgery,"  
  
Deb took to offering, and began to laugh before she even had the chance to explain herself fully, "Oh John, sometimes I just don't know what to do without you."  
  
  
  
O'HARE AIRPORT  
  
CHICAGO IL  
  
OUTSIDE AMERICAN AIRLINES TERMINAL  
  
"Deb? Are you ready yet, the plane is about to leave in ten minutes and if we want to be on it."  
  
"Yeah, just hold on a second."  
  
This is the last boarding call for American airlines flight 788 to Hawaii, This is the last boarding call for American airlines flight 788 to Hawaii would all passengers arrive at gate 10 immediately, thankyou.  
  
She glanced around quickly, wondering if somehow miraculously her family had managed to follow her and John down to the airport. It was a spur of the moment of the decision and before she knew it, they were up at the desk at American Airlines asking if there would be by any chance two seats on a plane that would be leaving for Hawaii in the next hour or so. They had been lucky; an elderly couple had pulled out at the last minute giving them both a seat in first class, side by side.  
  
Deb sighed down at the average sized white envelope in her hand. It had a stamp placed neatly into the corner and an address written down in careful handwriting.  
  
"I just need to post this,"  
  
And with that she placed the letter in the red letter box in front of her and listened to the soft papery sound it made as it hit the pile of other letters that relatives and friends had sent back to loved ones back home, some perhaps even similar to the one she had just written.  
  
"Deb,"  
  
"Yeah," she smiled up at him and took his outstretched hand only to be pulled hurriedly to the gate.  
  
"I swear if we miss this flight."  
  
"You'll love me anyway,"  
  
"Yeah, I will,"  
  
He smiled back at her allowing them both to have a quite moment to reinstate their till now silent vows before pulling her into the plane the both of them giggling and kissing, each one thinking how lucky they were to have the other here with them and not married off or drowning in sadness and loss.  
  
***  
  
"Mrs Chen?"  
  
"What is it Hannah?"  
  
"A letter has arrived for you."  
  
The End  
  
***I really need to thank Kerry, Lisa and Ash Carroll for all the help you've given me. and all the feedback I've ever gotten (and anyone else who I've failed to mention) Without you guys, I wouldn't be as proud of this fic as I am today. jeeze it took me long enough to finish! 


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